"Jesse James is a Dead Man" Pre-Show Review

Mark Prociw
by Mark Prociw

I give you my first impressions

Jesse James, the man behind Monster Garage, might die. But I doubt it. His new television show “Jesse James is a Douchebag Dead Man” is Jesse toying with death through a variety of different feats and stunts he will perform.

And by toying with death I mean he’ll be taking as many safety precautions as possible to make sure that death is not even in the equation. What does that spell? Well, I’m sure you’ll see some cool stuff like explosions and cars doing flips on the show but no real serious danger.

But hey, it’s TV, not a snuff film! I don’t know about you but after watching the “ Making of a Dead Man” documentary on the show, I can’t help but roll my eyes. There seems to be a lot of hype on that show about things that just don’t impress me. It also seems that Jesse’s cast and crew think that pretty much everything will kill him.

The TV Network SPIKE will be airing Jesse’s new show starting on May 31st (this Sunday) for all who are interested in explosions and machismo. Probably the best way to watch it is with a bikini clad girl in one hand, and some NOS Energy Drink in the other while listening to Kid Rock. Extreme.

See the full article for my review of the pre-show “Making of” documentary of “Jesse James is a Dead Man”

Warning: This is a rant.

So after watching “ Making of a Dead Man“, I’m feeling disappointed. There have been videos where I have said out loud “My god, that’s amazing!” but there was none of that when watching this “documentary”

Watch the pre-show documentary “ Making of a Dead Man” for “ Jesse James is a Dead Man” and follow along with me…

Here are a few points about the things that Jesse James will do on the show:

Jesse races in the Baja 500.

Not too mind blowing. I’d actually like to try this myself. The cars have enough roll cages and safety harnesses that I wouldn’t be too afraid of crashing, just losing. According to his crew, Jesse is going to die.

Jesse drives a big wheel truck into a house.

“50/50 chance he’s going to die”. Where the hell did that come from? The trucks tires are practically larger then the house and the house is also crumbling to pieces when seen from the inside. Unless the house is going to explode when he lands on it, he’s not going to die. All his cast members say it’s ludicrous and stupid that he’s doing it but I just don’t see why it is. Does driving a monster truck into a house scare you? I’d be happy to do it.

“If he goes too fast he’ll go over the house and be on the road”…. so what?

Jesse does figure-8 racing

“The most dangerous race on the planet”… wait, I thought the Baja 500 was… Ok so this is pretty cool mainly because I’ve never heard of Figure-8 Racing.

“Jesse didn’t know what hit him”… a car did. Case closed.

Jesse does various clips

“Jesse flew an F-16″… Ok?

“and blew through a massive amount of high-calibre ammo”… I’m waiting for the part where he almost dies…all he did was shoot some big guns.

He drives through a minefield to “test his reflexes” but c’mon, he’s driving around clearly marked planted explosives that someone is setting off. A choreographed stunt with pyrotechnics. Does this impress people still?

Jesse takes on the Cops

All right. They got me. This looks cool. Everyone has wondered if they could ever outrun the cops in a car chase so we can at least live out our dreams through Jesse James. 6 cop cars, a chopper, roadblocks and spike strips. I’d watch this.

Jesse flies really fast in a WW2 plane

That’s pretty much it. He doesn’t know how to fly but he obviously does.

Jesse rides a motorcycle on ice in freezing temperatures.

Buell did this already and it was more exciting. This could be interesting just to see how they prep the bike and Jesse for the cold weather.

Jesse rides a Nitro Bike.

Cool just because the bike is very interesting. The cuts and editing lead us to believe he crashed but who knows. This is a teaser episode anyways.

My Conclusion

All right, I’m being a little rough about the show. I’m sure it’s about as mind blowing as a Chris Angel episode though. It’s something you’d turn on while you did the dishes or cleaned your bathroom. It seems like it could have some really cool stuff (i.e.: police chase, Nitro Bike,) but it can have some filler that just isn’t impressive.

Why isn’t it impressive? I think we’ve all seen a ton of action movies and we’ve seen crazy stuff before. I think we have YouTube and the Internet to blame too. Jesse riding his bike through the snow… Meh.

I’m sure I’m taking this all for granted but I am the viewer. The makers of the show should be wowing me, not themselves.

My biggest problem is the narrator’s tone of voice and that raspy whisper he does. If you actually pay attention to what he says, it’s completely ridiculous and dumb.

It’s something to watching if you want to see controlled explosions and some interesting car stuff but I think the show should be renamed, “Jesse James Does Stuff”.

The show airs May 31st on SPIKE. Maybe I’m wrong. If you are going to see it, let me know what you think.

This crash really doesn’t look that bad. He gets tossed over the handlebars and lands in soft mud and then just kind of milks it… but I could be wrong.

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Mark Prociw
Mark Prociw

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