My wife, Maria, loves going on motorcycle rides. Our second date was a motorcycle ride where she proved herself a fearless, adrenalin junkie. We hadn’t been on a ride together for a while, so last Saturday, we pulled the 2015 FZ-09 outta the garage and went for a spin around SoCal.

Returning home, I learned that instead of traveling the short distance to her parent’s house for Easter, the family was gathering at her brother’s place in Corona. Getting from Long Beach to Corona demands traversing State Route 91. This particular highway is notorious for brutal commute times during regular work days, let alone a holiday weekend. “Can we ride a motorcycle to Corona,” I asked, already knowing the answer. “No,” she replied.

040615-tomfoolery-jesus_hIt’s no secret what I do for a living. I’ve ridden motorcycles to her parent’s house. They’ve heard stories of Maria and I going on rides together. But regardless of the facts, Maria will not let her parents see her actively riding a motorcycle. “I don’t want them to worry,” is her reasoning. So, instead of joyfully lane-splitting our way through traffic on a beautiful SoCal Easter day, cutting the commute time in half on our round-trip to Corona, we spent about double the time it’d normally take to drive to Corona miserably sitting in traffic.

Surprisingly, I only saw maybe three motorcycles Easter Sunday. But these sightings combined with the ample amount of time I had on my hands sitting in stop-and-go traffic provided me the opportunity to ponder the importance of Easter.

There seems to be a lot of bias out there toward Jesus preferring V-Twins and chrome to sportier forms of two-wheelers. According to the variety of WWJR T-shirts available you’d think JC spent the 40 days after his resurrection tooling around Jerusalem on a Hog. Lest ye not confuse 1903 AD with 3 AD.

“I like to picture Jesus in a Tuxedo T-shirt because it says, like, ‘I wanna be formal … but I’m here to party too.’ Cause I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.”
–Cal Naughton Jr.

Maybe it’s the long hair and beard giving people the visual impression that JC would more likely be comfortable in a recumbent pose, gracefully cruising the countryside, the slow pace allowing him time to appreciate his Father’s creations.

Considering the popularity of beards among the hipster crowd, an argument could be made for JC asking Roland Sands to craft a nice custom cafe CB450 for him to ride to The One Motorcycle Show. He’d be the first person to easily slip into a pair of skinny jeans – a true miracle!

“I like to picture Jesus as a ninja fighting off evil samurai.” –Walker Bobby.

If he were pilgrimaging, spreading the word of God to the far corners of the globe, he may want to traverse those numerous miles in the comfort of a Goldwing or K1600GTL. Expensive rigs as these, however, may deliver the wrong message. He did enter Jerusalem as the King of Israel aboard a donkey.

“I like to think of Jesus, like, with giant eagle’s wings. And singing lead vocal for Lynyrd Skynyrd with, like, a angel band. And I’m in the front row and I’m hammered drunk.”
–Cal Naughton Jr.

Being that JC walked on water, you have to consider him a performance junkie. I found this bible verse from the book of Hebrews depicting JC as the #1 plate holder for some kind of biblical 24 Hours of Le Mans: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.

Although this image doesn’t support the passage, you find evidence in the New Testament for ATGATT where in Ephesians there’s mention of “the whole armor of God,” breastplate of righteousness,” and “helmet of salvation.”

Although this image doesn’t support the passage, you find evidence in the New Testament for ATGATT where in Ephesians there’s mention of “the whole armor of God,” breastplate of righteousness,” and “helmet of salvation.”

Regardless of your personal motorcycle convictions, JC is, of course, accepting of all motorcyclists and the bikes upon which they choose to ride. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. – Galatians 3:28.

  • Old MOron

    Ha ha, and which MC would he join?
    The three-part patch would be perfect for the holy trinity.

    As for the “H stands for Harley” idea, H could also stand for Honda.
    You meet the nicest saviors on a Honda.

  • fastfreddie

    Probably be on a honda cb 750 SOHC.I see him regularly over here in norway riding it,and it seems he has a wide variety of coloured ones too.

  • JWaller

    I think the guy who rode a donkey into Jerusalem would probably just ride an old moped, if not just a bicycle.

  • sgray44444

    Thanks for the blasphemy guys. Very tasteful. I realize He is an easy target, but did you have to go there?

    • JWaller

      Not meant to be blasphemy. Riding a donkey was a sign of humility. Just like today riding an old moped or old bicycle would be a sign of humility. A real response to a “what if?” question.

    • Tinwoods

      Ease your anger jets, sgray. Considering there isn’t a shred of proof that the man even existed (except for some conflicting
      stories written decades after his alleged zombie-like rise from the dead),
      you really shouldn’t get so bent out of shape with a bunch of guys
      playfully poking fun. If he did exist, I’m sure part of his charisma included a sense of humor.

      • TonyG

        Hey tinwoods, I agree nothing to get upset about here, but I wonder how you draw the conclusion about “not a shred of proof”. There is more proof for the existence of Jesus than ANY other ancient historical figure. References to him exist not only in Christian writings, but in historical, non-religious writings from Jewish, Roman and many other sources.

        • Pedro Baptista

          I go along with you, mate. Just look at the fact that, in the year 391 AC, Christianism became the official religion of Rome and that’s striking when you bear in mind the fact that Christians were, for centuries, persecuted, shredded by tigers, burned alive in arenas, blamed for all sorts of bad things that took place in Rome.

          Hahahaha it’s funny to be commenting on such a topic of one of my favourite websites. A Spiritist Brazilian passionate about bikes…

        • john burns

          not to mention that our calendar is based upon the guy.

          • Colonel Matumbo

            We use a Hebrew Calendar. Saturday is the last day, sunday is the first. Whats next “How to Handle Snakes when Riding”

      • Ser Samsquamsh

        We can’t wait to see your hilarious “Mohammed on a Quad” cartoons!

        • fastfreddie

          Maybe Jesus would ride around on a trike,now that you went there….

    • Mark Pearson

      Lighten up, Francis.

  • Jack Meoph

    Vespa GTV 300. A scooter makes you more accessible and conveys a friendly image. The GTV 300 so if there’s any miracles needing done, JC has the power to get there quick and lay down the blessings. Although he could probably easily part traffic and use rivers if needs be.

    • Old MOron

      Good answer. Or how about an MP3? You know, the Holy Trinity and all.

      • Jack Meoph

        Sidecar, so he could roll with his Mary’s.

  • Campisi

    A Super Cub, obviously. You meet the nicest people on a Honda.

    • Martin Buck

      Yes, this. He chose a young colt to ride into Jerusalem (a young donkey), just as predicted in Zechariah 9:9; he rode a donkey to flee Bethlehem after Herod put out an order to murder all young males; His mother Mary rode a donkey to Bethlehem to give birth to Him. What is more like a donkey than the Honda Super Cub?

  • jmmgarza

    Now I know why many bikers have long hair and beards. Divine inspiration.

  • Riki

    He would be riding a Kawasaki KLR, so he could do his 40 days and 40 nights at the dessert. Put some big bags on it for the fish and bread, meet up with peter and the gang and do his mission. Ride on Jesus!

    • Mark Pearson

      I see Moses on a KLR more than Jesus.

  • Mark Pearson

    It has to be versatile on the side of performance, reasonably comfortable, reliable and good looking, but not flashy. Something along the lines of a CB750 or Bonneville T100. Whether it be a desert scramble, café race or cruise alongside a river, Jesus would make it happen.
    A Harley? Sorry, but I don’t see that.

  • Keith Schiffner

    It’s obvious DUH…he rides something prep’d for endurance racing.

  • Mark Boese

    Gotta be an easy call…dual sport, for sure. Lots of desert in the Holy Land.

  • Scot Harden

    Great story and very thought provoking. I know for sure that for one month in January 2004 and 2005 he rode on the back of my factory KTM 660 Rallye bike with me in the Dakar Rallye. Its the only reason I can think of why I didn’t kill myself in the process of racing those events. Come to think of it Jesus definitely road Husqvarnas and KTMs for extended periods with me across the desert in Baja, Africa and North America. Again its the only answer I have for while I’m still here. Great story Tom and thanks for keeping Jesus real.

    • john burns

      thee Scot Harden? Cool. I thought there were 2 t’s?

  • TonyG

    I am a Ducati man myself, but after thinking about it, it is clear that Jesus would ride a Triumph to remind us that his work on the cross Triumphed over sin and death!

  • Gary

    He would definitely ride BMW. He appreciates the dilemma of being nailed to the cross for replacement parts.

  • Pedro

    “And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross” – Colossians 2:15

    And given the “let us strip off every weight that slows us down” in Hebrews, it’s probably a cafe racer.

    Sounds like Jesus would ride a Bonnie.

  • Razedbywolvs

    Honda Rebel.
    For his time Jesus was a modest man and a rebel…. Plus that is about all you can afford on a sheepherders salary.

    • True, except he was a carpenter by trade.

      • Razedbywolvs

        Technically he was “Day labor”, The word carpenter or even Working class does not mean the same thing it did back then and skews peoples prescription.
        I think his resume looked like this.
        Goat herder
        Union leader
        Anarchist (OK im stretching it on that one, but I think it’s a fair considering that the Divine right of kings was the predominate philosophical legal theory and he totally undermined that to the point were the state killed him.

  • Colonel Matumbo

    Crossbow, The only real choice for old JC. What would “Thor” ride? Now there’s a story.

  • vitor

    Jesus would ride a xr650R,no doubt.

  • jose

    We all get this one wrong. Jesus would have never ride a motorcycle. He would be going around in a 15 passenger van. So he can fit the 13 apostoles and Mary Magdalene.

    When he ride he would prefer a cruiser like bike or maybe a trike. The trike is to make sure Mary Mother will ride with him. Cruisers and trikes are the preferred ride for groups that move along slowly through the highway for short distances to stop at every gathering place to meet the larger crowd that was waiting for him.

  • John B.

    Jesus would ride an Eric Buell Racing (EBR) 1190 SX (a.k.a. “The Lazarus”) four (4) days after he miraculously brought EBR out of bankruptcy and back to life. To market successfully an American manufactured sportbike would count as a miracle right?

    • Ted


  • pcontiman

    love the fact that you can toss out some great scriptures in a entertaining article. My mantra: Faith, Family, Motorcycles.