#JohnBurns

When Editor-in-Chief Duke asked who wanted to sample a $250 jacket of questionable origin from a brand unknown to us a few months ago, all our hands did not shoot up as one. We MOrons tend to sashay about in premium gear as much as possible in the interests of both style and safety, things that don’t generally square with a $250 price tag. For the sake of science, though, I volunteered.

You’ve read the Review, now see the video! Heart-stopping wheelies, lurid smoldering burnouts and an awesome display of moto-skill. Okay, well, none of that, sadly, but there is some nice action footage of Triumph’s latest, greatest all-new Bonneville variant through the rolling countryside outside Madrid, Espana. And, about two minutes of me channeling Walter Cronkite as I lay out the new bike’s salient points in living color.

No matter how cynical you become, it really is impossible to keep up. Politics in the U.S. has reached a new level of crass, the international newsfeed is no cheerier, and now we hear that Motorcyclist magazine is going down to six issues per year. Actually that’s probably a good thing for our colleagues who work there, since putting a print magazine to bed 12 times a year while trying to fill a website every day too, really is a lot of work, even if it is fun work.

Dear MOby,

By now you must’ve heard the bobber backstory: Restless GIs home from WW2 self-treated their PTSD by bobbing the fenders off their heavy old motorcycles to make them lighter, faster and generally more obnoxious to the populace. Triumph was right there from the beginning, supplying Marlon Brando’s bike in The Wild One, and now it’s back with the brand-new 2017 Bobber, the stripped-down, elemental variation on the new Bonneville theme the company’s been furiously rolling out for about a year now.

Dear MOby,

Hey, I’m sorry it’s always about me, but the 1990s really were: In the ’90s, I got a new wife, a new child, a condo, a new truck! And the motorcycle manufacturers pampered me (and all the rest of us tail-end Boomers) with a lot of great new jockey shorts-dropping sportbikes that many of us could actually afford to buy. Later, as Bill Murray famously said in Stripes, “reality set in.” But the ’90s were great while they lasted. These, listed chronologically, are the bikes we, the whole MO staff (even Troy, who was but a wee pup), remember most…

Whoever said you can’t put a price on love obviously hates America. Of course you can, and the more you spend, the more love you can get. But why fight the holiday crowds when you can sit there on your laptop and gather unto yourself pallets of love by giving your favorite motorcycle aficionado one of the following superb gifts? The true spirit of the season begins kicking in right at the $100 threshold. Set jinglebells to stun, Mr. Sulu.

Triumph’s updated Speed Triple, specifically the “S” base model, already impressed us tremendously once this year, when it finished second to the all-conquering Aprilia Tuono Factory in our little six-bike comparo jaunt up the coast of California in August. You could argue the Triumph won that one, really, since the Tuono’s $17K price tag has it really in a different category than the $13,200 Triumph (though the Speed Triple also came out on top of the $16,395 Ducati Monster 1200 S).

Dear MOby,

The original plan was to be in Calico to shoot the wrap video for last week’s “Bagger Brawl” four-bike comparo tour (which should get posted next week, maybe…), but you know what they say about best-laid plans. That goes double for MOron plans. Instead of being an hour-and-a-half from the barn, we wound up running low on daylight and needing to roll tape while we were still in Death Valley, four hours north. Motorcycles tend to make you think things are a lot closer than they are, even if you were just there last year. By the time the cameras were packed back up and the Harley Street Glide, Victory Magnum, Moto Guzzi MGX-21 and Indian Chieftain were ready to roll, the sun was setting and the “mega moon” was rising over one of the most desolately beautiful places in North America.

A few months ago complaints began to filter down that somebody was wearing the same old wine-colored Shoei Neotec modular helmet in every dang photo shoot I was in (and unwashed black Aerostich suit). Action needed to be taken, and one of them was for me to track down the HJC marketing person (one very pleasant Molly Lang), and get myself a new helmet. Here it is, the new IS (internal shield) MAX II modular, in black/blue Elemental graphics.

Hmmm… the Benelli 300’s VIN plate says Made in China, but if it said Italy you could just as easily believe it: Check the nice welds on that red trellis frame, respect the braided steel lines leading to the dual front discs which are clamped by calipers that look like Brembos. Behold an instrument panel and switchgear that wouldn’t look at all out of place on any Japanese motorcycle. The stylish pointy footpegs look like something from an MV Agusta, and both shift and brake lever tips are eccentric-mounted adjustable. Eyeballing it, this is the nicest Chinese bike we’ve seen – by a long shot. Heck, it even has a cute little switchblade-style ignition key.

Dear MOby,

Some things, like love and substance abuse, everybody has to learn for themselves, the hard way. The wise man says, “the only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history,” but if you’re smart you can save yourself a little pain by listening to the wisdom of the ancients. Here are 10 of my pearls. At MO as always, no charge.