More Moto Humor

I know you MOrons are going to jump on this opportunity to criticize my sense of humor. That's okay: you know you'll be telling these jokes to your friends!...

A biker and his wife are traveling on their motorcycles from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and decided to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The biker explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the biker insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the biker and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them," the biker complains.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the biker again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the biker replies, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the biker gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," says the biker. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well," the biker replied, "she was here, and you could have!"

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A Harley rider is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap...and stay for breakfast the next morning.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything had been incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every biker you meet?"

"No ,"she replies... "You just happened to catch my eye."

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Badass Biker Bob wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Bob looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."

So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Bob asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Badass Bob asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"

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A Southern biker was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?"

The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied.

The biker took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"

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Two California bikers are riding through Texas when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The trooper walks up and stands there for a second, then whacks the biker with his night stick on the head. The rider slumps over his handlebars for a minute then comes to and asks, "WTF was that for?"

The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your ride." Not wanting to make his situation with the law any worse, the rider says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here." The trooper runs a check on the guy's license and it comes up clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the second rider. The trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick, too.

After he recovers, the somewhat dazed biker asks, "Hey, Man!! What was that for?" The trooper answers, "Just making your wishes come true." Still incredulous, the biker follows up with, "Huh?" The trooper says, "I know how you California bikers are. Two miles down the road you're gonna look over at your buddy and shout, "I wish that redneck would've tried that crap with me!"