But Officer, It Didn't FEEL Like I Was Going 98 Mph

Okay, I'm sure I'm not the only motorcyclist that's ever gotten a speeding ticket. There might even be somebody out there that got a ticket under the same or similar circumstances in which I received mine. Here's what happened.....

First, I must say I am extremely embarassed and feel very stupid for going as fast as I was going. I am normally a mature and VERY law abiding citizen and haven't received any speeding tickets since I was a pimpley-faced boy with a mullet. Speeding is wreckless, dangerous, and wrong......no matter how fun it is.

This weekend on a very smooth and straight stretch of interstate highway in South Central Missouri, I buzzed by a police car with my Escort Solo S2 in perfect working condition. The problem is that the fine law enforcement officer's vehicle was an unmarked 2001 Dode Intrepid which immediately TRIED to pace me (more on that later), hence the silence of the Escort.

Well, I had my fun and the road is starting to get congested so I roll off the throttle of my just-broken-in second motorcycle: a brand new 2003 Kawasaki Z1000 (in Goth-perfect gloss black and lipstick red trim of course). First I must say, the sensation of speed on that four-banger is vastly different than my normal mount which is a 2003 naked Suzuki SV1000. Okay, bad excuse. Anyway, the COUNTY SHERIFF in the unmarked Dodge apparently radioed ahead to his rookie understudy in a traditional vehicle with the requisite pretty flashing lights to intercept me. Since at that time, I was going significantly slower when I noticed said pretty lights, I immediately pulled over, turned off the bike, and removed my helmet, earplugs, and radar detector-earphone, in one swift, Ninja-like (no pun intended) motion. As the understandably concerned constable quickly strolled to my side, I turned my head and looked right into his eyes so he could notice that my pupils weren't contricted (methamphetamine is a problem here in Southern Missouri) in order to avoid being shot at. My license, insurance card, and vehicle purchase paperwork were promply and politely provided along with numerous, "yes sir" statements.

While my life's history was being pulled up on the officer's computer, I calmly (thank God the man wasn't a Betazoid) sat on my bike while several vehicles drove past me waving gestures of support since they became acquainted with me a few (dozen) miles back (the black Firebird was especially chipper). Needless to say, I became somewhat concerned when an unmarked Intrepid with more pretty lights pulled up in front of me (that's when I recalled passing him a few miles previously). As he walked by me, I said "good evening sir". He replied, "That's a quick bike." That's when I stopped breathing.

While he conferred with his young Sheriff-to-be, visions of Attica flashed before my eyes. After, what seemed to be an hour, both officers came up to me and the officer in the unmarked car said he was doing 90 when I passed him and stated that in this county, when you go 100 mph or more, you go to jail. I was then immediately handed a ticket for doing 98 in a 70, after which, my heart started to beat again and I resumed breathing. To summarize, I could've been arrested and sent to jail (cue banjos from "Deliverance).

Was the officer in the unmarked car unable to accurately determine my velocity before losing me? Did my calm, cool-headed (after such blatant stupidity) demeanor along with my disgusting display of ass-kissing save my sorry candy-ass from being arested for two-wheel terrorism? Was it close to the end of the shift on a Saturday evening and the retirement-bound sheriff just wanted to go home and watch the Weather Channel for the latest on hurricane Dennis instead of processing a pathetic old squid? I'll never know.

Needless to say, I drove 65 mph the rest of the way home (an agonizingly slow speed when you have over two hours to get home and need to change your underwear) and I have been beating myself up for being so stupid (or was it just the fact that I got caught?) ever since. My ticket hasn't been entered into the county computer system yet (I know because I called first thing Monday morning). So I am now weighing my options fearing the expenses of the ticket, fine, insurance premium jack, and possible costs of legal counsel to keep the points off my license.

First, let me say that I am lucky I didn't crash and kill myself or anybody else for that matter. I was irresponsible, irrational, and wreckless and that there are just no excuses for such bone-headed behavior. All that being said, with the deserved admonishment, ANY advice would be welcomed from any other reformed speeders out there.
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George Obradovich
George Obradovich

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