As an editor, it often pains me to read for-sale motorcycle ads written by marginally literate owners who are incapable of spelling properly, let alone making an ad fun to read. That changed for me after seeing a recent Craigslist listing (thanks to loyal reader Old MOron for the lead!) for a used Honda Pacific Coast 800, which contains wit and humor strong enough for publication.
It’s probably safe to say the owner of this PC800 isn’t typical of the boring reputation baked into Honda’s widely neglected scootery tourer.
“First off, this sex machine was built to party,” reads the ad. “Don’t let the smooth curves fool you, she can easily fit two cases of beer (plus ice) in the trunk. If getting f***ed up in public parks before noon isn’t your thing, you can ‘probably’ fit about 14 pounds of weed in the trunk. Way more if you vacuum seal it. This is a total guess though.”
And then there’s this little gem:
“The trunk locks up tighter than your jealous girlfriend after noticing a text message from a female coworker you once called “cute”. I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU KOURTNEY. IT’S CALLED HAVING FRIENDS AND IS TOTALLY NORMAL. What I’m trying to say is that the trunk is awesome and will make everyone jealous. You could put a baby or some groceries in it if you needed. Plus if you ‘accidentally’ drive through a river everything will stay dry, or so I’ve heard.”
The seller, based in Austin, Texas, says he bought the Honda last year for a trip to Bike Week.
“I made the trip in May of that year, slept on picnic tables (not by choice), and somehow managed to not get pulled over despite ignoring 100% of the posted speed limits throughout the tri-state area. Before leaving on that magical journey, which was sponsored by those gold cans of 32oz Miller High Life and gas station taquitos, nearly every consumable on the bike had been replaced at 16K miles – oil and filter, brake pads, tires, battery, air filter, coolant, etc. I simplified the fuel system, modifying a few pieces that notoriously fail and leave you stranded, forcing you to give HJ’s to a trucker named Carl for a ride to the next town over (or maybe I’m just bad at negotiating).”
So, for $3,000 you could be the owner of this PC800, and if you’re creative and daring, a $100 dinner is being offered if you can impress the seller with new uses for his bike.
“From what I can remember, this bike has been ridden inside of at least two houses, one bar, and one gas station – so you’ll have to get way more creative than me. If you’re the lucky man (or woman, I’m as progressive as everyone else) who buys this from me, and you send me a picture of yourself jumping the bike at least 8″ off the ground or somehow doing a wheelie (no passengers allowed), I’ll personally buy you a dinner for up to $100. Or we can just go to the strip club and blow it there. I’m down for both options.”
Kudos for an advert well done! See the full ad here.