Top 10 Moto Truths (That Are Totally Bogus, IMHO)

John Burns
by John Burns

Can you handle the truth?

IMHO for those of you new to the internet, means In My Humble Opinion. Which means, this is just what I, John Burns, think after toiling in the motorcycle fields lo these many years, and hearing the same hoary old truths bandied about as gospel for most of them. Feel free to disagree, modify and critique as needed to suit your own belief system and stimulate rational discussion.

10. Not a drop of alcohol!

I started out to say, for me, I think one beer or a nice glass of wine is no big deal if you’re just cruising out into the country on a sunny day and stopping at a rustic cafe, but I only got this far before my co-workers pointed out that even one beer can slow your reactions and cloud your judgment. Never mind that even the nanny state concedes you’re not legally “under the influence” until your blood alcohol level gets to 0.08, heed their warning! One drop of alcohol, and the left-turning sin-sniffing station wagon of death will seek you and your motorcycle out! Take the pledge, just say no.

9. Observe the manufacturer’s engine break-in rules!

If they really meant it today, they could program it into the bike’s ECU and not let you rev past 5000 rpm (or whatever) until after 500 miles. Why don’t they? Because it’s really not necessary. Wait! If it’s your old Velocette you just rebuilt again, maybe you should heed the manual. But when I used to hang around Willow Springs, riders would put two laps on a fresh hopped-up CBR900RR or R1 motor to make sure it was oil-tight, then proceed to flog the pee out of it. I don’t advise that, but a lot of smart motorcycle people say revving the thing up close to redline a few times while it’s still new isn’t going to hurt anything – and in fact often helps power production.

8. Go slow on new tires until the Mold Release is worn off!

Yes, you should go slow out of the parking lot of whoever mounted your tires, and until they’re warmed up and you have a feel for your new rubber, but very few tire manufacturers use “mold release” anymore: Modern techniques have shiny new tires popping free of the molds without it. Many’s the time we’ve shown up at the track for a “shootout” with brand new tires, and we have never “scuffed them in” for 50 or 100 miles. More like one lap. The main thing new tires need to work their best is heat in their carcasses (carci?). Swerving back and forth like an Indycar won’t do it. Rapidly accelerating in 2nd or 3rd gear will put heat into the rear; hard braking from medium speeds a few times will warm the front (when nobody’s behind you!). Tire warmers of course are the modern way.

7. I can outbrake ABS with my skills!

If you’re a really good braker conducting a scientific braking experiment, maybe you can (depending on your bike; the new systems are better and better). But the times when you really need ABS are the ones when something you didn’t even see coming suddenly winds up in your path (Your fault for not paying closer attention!). When those things happen – and they’ve happened twice to me over the last three decades – the reptile part of your brain takes over and commands your right hand to squeeze the brake lever as hard as it can; reptiles don’t know from “modulation.” If it happens to be raining, you’re down instantly and milliseconds to impact. With ABS, you’re slowing harder than you thought possible and hopefully avoiding impact – if not, at least you’ll be going a hell of a lot slower.

6. Sometimes it’s best to lay her down…

This could be true if you are coming up to a three-rail fence at a high rate of speed like I did once on a purple 750 Katana, (which was really no uglier post-crash). I didn’t lay her down on purpose, though, it was the fact that I was braking hard (see #5) on dirt that did that. I think if there had been pavement all the way up to the fence, I probably could’ve got her stopped instead, short of the fence. Which, I think, is always the better option. If you’ve got crap brakes, bald tires, and not many skills… no, even then I still think it’s better to try to stop than to crash on purpose nearly all the time.

5. ATGATT

Please. I am not going to put on my Aerostich suit and heavy boots to ride the one mile to the Ace Hardware at 35 mph on a scooter. I will be wearing a helmet (probably open face), gloves and shoes in case I put my foot down on a banana peel, but the fact is that the likelihood of getting into a long, skin-abrading slide from 35 mph is rather nillish. I took up motorcycles because they’re fun and dashing, not because I need more things to guard against and live in dreadful fear of. May the defense be in scale to the threat. Please do wear as much protective gear as you can when you’re going more than a few miles. I’m not even going to give the anti-helmet crowd the benefit of another idiotic discussion here. Always wear a real helmet. Personally, I always wear gloves too.

4. Cruisers are easiest to learn on

Maybe this started because cruiser seats are closest to the ground or because tons of modern riders learned to ride on Rebel 250s. I totally believe most of them would’ve had an easier time on a standard bike, something like a Suzuki TU250, because athletic activities like riding a motorcycle are easier done from a standing position than a sitting one. Go ahead and try to return a Roger Federer serve from your La-Z-Boy. Only in America. If you’re looking at a first bike, try on something like a new Triumph Speed Twin or Honda CB500F for size.

3. Everybody needs to start on a 250!

Maybe if you’re a speed freak with zero self-control a 250 makes sense, but those bikes aren’t that easy to ride when you’re brand new. They’re slow, yes, but they need lots of rpm and clutch action and shifting to get moving. Most adults coming into motorcycles are here because they dig performance vehicles and already know better than to give it full throttle all the time. Unless you’re a tiny person, you’re better off on a bike to scale with your body, especially one with standard ergonomics.

The best experience I ever had teaching a new rider involved a Honda VTR1000 Super Hawk – a swift and powerful bike for sure, but with a mellow, controllable powerband and not too much weight while we’re getting our sea legs. A slight crack of the throttle in first, a gentle release of the clutch, away we burble… say, this was easy! Maybe somewhere in the middle is a good starting point for most riders? Again, something like a Honda CB500F or KTM Duke 390 wouldn’t be bad starting places that you’d instantly outgrow.

2. You’ll get killed.

No doubt riding motorcycles does greatly increase your chances of getting killed compared to traveling in an automobile, but those chances are still quite slim compared to being an obese diabetic young black man brandishing a toy pistol in a high-crime area of a major American city or an ISIS warlord. Furthermore, there are things you can do that greatly reduce the risk: Get training. Wear a helmet. Don’t ride impaired. All the research says that doing those three things greatly reduces your risk of being killed, and by adhering to them you’ve just proven that you have what we call “common sense,” which will also encompass things like “don’t go 100 mph in town.” The longer you ride, the more common sense you accumulate through experience, and the safer you become, so go easy that first year or two. Doesn’t mean you can’t be taken out by a deer or a left-turning ’72 El Dorado or a meteor, but it greatly reduces the risk.

1. Chicks will dig you.

Dudes will dig you, if you’re a chick. But sadly, I have found the reverse not to be the case for most of my moto-brethren. Though gender roles have most definitely been changing ever since the invention of the birth-control pill and the Reagan Economic Miracle (that sent everybody’s mom into the workforce), prehistoric mating habits die hard: Most egg bearers will look at you on your motorcycle and see a risk-taking, non-prosperous individual who is probably not a good long-term provider. Eight times out of ten, she is correct. The only women who have ever expressed interest in yours truly as a result of motorcycles have been pre-existing motorcycle enthusiasts themselves, interested mostly in obtaining free goods or services in exchange for, well, we’re still waiting. These women are not good providers either, as it turns out, so count your blessings and keep your love life separate is my advice. For what it’s worth. Not much. Are we charging to read MO again? Didn’t think so.

John Burns
John Burns

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  • J. R. Boedeker J. R. Boedeker on Sep 21, 2016

    I've owned sport bikes, standards, and cruisers. Totally right on #4: Cruisers are NOT easiest to learn on. Standard (or at least more upright) all the way. Plus, I like to be able to stand up on my pegs once in a while.

  • Dominatr37 Dominatr37 on Sep 21, 2016

    In todays day and age there is no excuse NOT to wear at least a mesh jacket and sliders style pants on every single ride.

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