As an editor, it often pains me to read for-sale motorcycle ads written by marginally literate owners who are incapable of spelling properly, let alone making an ad fun to read. That changed for me after seeing a recent Craigslist listing (thanks to loyal reader Old MOron for the lead!) for a used Honda Pacific Coast 800, which contains wit and humor strong enough for publication.

It’s probably safe to say the owner of this PC800 isn’t typical of the boring reputation baked into Honda’s widely neglected scootery tourer.

“First off, this sex machine was built to party,” reads the ad. “Don’t let the smooth curves fool you, she can easily fit two cases of beer (plus ice) in the trunk. If getting f***ed up in public parks before noon isn’t your thing, you can ‘probably’ fit about 14 pounds of weed in the trunk. Way more if you vacuum seal it. This is a total guess though.”

And then there’s this little gem:

“The trunk locks up tighter than your jealous girlfriend after noticing a text message from a female coworker you once called “cute”. I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU KOURTNEY. IT’S CALLED HAVING FRIENDS AND IS TOTALLY NORMAL. What I’m trying to say is that the trunk is awesome and will make everyone jealous. You could put a baby or some groceries in it if you needed. Plus if you ‘accidentally’ drive through a river everything will stay dry, or so I’ve heard.”

The seller, based in Austin, Texas, says he bought the Honda last year for a trip to Bike Week.

“I made the trip in May of that year, slept on picnic tables (not by choice), and somehow managed to not get pulled over despite ignoring 100% of the posted speed limits throughout the tri-state area. Before leaving on that magical journey, which was sponsored by those gold cans of 32oz Miller High Life and gas station taquitos, nearly every consumable on the bike had been replaced at 16K miles – oil and filter, brake pads, tires, battery, air filter, coolant, etc. I simplified the fuel system, modifying a few pieces that notoriously fail and leave you stranded, forcing you to give HJ’s to a trucker named Carl for a ride to the next town over (or maybe I’m just bad at negotiating).”

So, for $3,000 you could be the owner of this PC800, and if you’re creative and daring, a $100 dinner is being offered if you can impress the seller with new uses for his bike.

“From what I can remember, this bike has been ridden inside of at least two houses, one bar, and one gas station – so you’ll have to get way more creative than me. If you’re the lucky man (or woman, I’m as progressive as everyone else) who buys this from me, and you send me a picture of yourself jumping the bike at least 8″ off the ground or somehow doing a wheelie (no passengers allowed), I’ll personally buy you a dinner for up to $100. Or we can just go to the strip club and blow it there. I’m down for both options.”

Kudos for an advert well done! See the full ad here.

  • Buzz

    That is funny. I’m going to consider something like that the next time I put a bike up for sale.

    • JMDGT

      I would think that just knowing you are the owner would command double the market value of any machine you would sell. Kind of like the Steve McQueen premium his stuff brings.

    • toomanycrayons

      It’s not going to be that PC800 is it?

  • 12er

    I stumbled upon a BMW 650CS add on CL Bay area that was similar in wit a few months back. I was dying and had to read it a few times.

  • Old MOron

    Kind of makes want to fly out there, buy the bike, ride it home, and eat plenty of gas station taquitos along the way. Back in So Cal, I could challenge Evans to try and over pack the trunk.

  • Mark D

    The most impressive part is that he somehow managed to exceed the posted speed limit on a PC800.

    • michael32853hutson@yahoo.com

      i wondered about that myself

    • Douglas

      With a coat of Turtle Wax and in good tune, it’ll do the ton…within a half mile or so.

  • Craig Hoffman

    That is funny as Hell! Thank you for the laugh.

  • Jon Jones

    Terrific! Great writing!

  • JerryMander

    As a reader it often pains me to read professional writing that’s anything but.

  • Gary Russell

    He did wash his hands after the HJ before touching the bike again, right?

    • michael32853hutson@yahoo.com

      LOL! good one

  • HazardtoMyself

    Sounds like Duke & Scott need to make a trip to Austin. Duke can go out and wheelie this thing just to prove it can be done. Scott can take it to a local MX track for a few good jumps.

    Will probably need a tow afterward, but haul it off to the strip club and see if it’s as much of a babe magnet as advertised. Need to make sure there is no false advertising here.

  • SRMark

    In the full ad he posts some pics. One is of him riding through some seriously deep water. BTW, if you’ve never ridden a PC800 for what ever reason, give it a go. It’s just a monster scooter, but you gotta lift your leg (there’s your opening for what ever dog-related joke you want to post). Very smooth and very quiet. Let your mechanic work on it though cuz that’s a pile of plastic to remove to get to anything, A buddy has one for sale and I seriously considered buying it. But I just sold a buncha bikes and I like having room in the garage. Kinda fun not tripping over stuff.

    • Tod Rafferty

      Yer on, SR. Where is it?

    • Phil W

      I had a 1990 8 years ago. Drove it from Mass to Georgia and back with no problems. Solid bike, I sold it when I wanted something newer. The plastic is a pain in the neck though.

    • michael32853hutson@yahoo.com

      wonder how many miles on your buddy’s?

      • SRMark

        21k I believe. But it just sold.

        • michael32853hutson@yahoo.com

          thanks for getting back to me anyway! anywhere near $3k? they look like you could ride right through a rainstorm!

          • SRMark

            It was $1,999. One of the best buys I’ve seen. The guy is a very good mechanic and had just gone through the bike pretty thoroughly. By the time he was done he wasn’t a fan of all that plastic and the fasteners that it requires.

          • michael32853hutson@yahoo.com

            i was just reading an older ad for another one on Abhi’s site-apparently there are shortcuts for some of the routine maintenance-at that price ($1,999) i might have had to give up my Sportster pretensions! was it black? $2-3K starts to look reasonable…

  • Dave Brumley

    Be sure and read the entire ad. It is gold.

    • michael32853hutson@yahoo.com

      i’ve seen one,here on the Pacific Coast,up close-it was much bigger than this black one looks in the pic provided;even at only 800cc i’d have to categorize it a beastie!

  • Phil W

    Actually, a good bike, not in need of the hype to sell it. I had one before my Spyder and the Gold Wing I currently have.

    • michael32853hutson@yahoo.com

      PC800,Gold Wing,Spyder-i’m sensing a pattern here…as i approach birthday #65 i’m kind of beginning to see the point;and one thing for sure,if the bike won’t go though rain then i can’t have it no matter how much i like it-and this thing looks like it would go through rain no prob!

      • Phil W

        Bad knee and ankle, so I went with the trikes.

        • michael32853hutson@yahoo.com

          yep but yours has the wheels in the front-a friend of mine got one of the first Harley trikes in our county and rode it to see his daughter in Ky.(2,000+ mi.)He is a 71(at the time)yr. old VietNam Navy UDT vet with bad back and a score of health issues and when he got back he took it to the Harley dealership and put it up on consignment and went back to 2 wheels-he said every time you hit a bump or pothole on the trike it went straight up his spine-it ran well though! he weathered a storm on it,riding back there;so i guess CanAm or Polaris is the way to go comfort-wise

          • Phil W

            My Gold Wing is also a trike.

  • reaper

    lmao, that’s funny as hell

  • michael32853hutson@yahoo.com

    Seems a decent price-if i didn’t have my heart set on a late model Sporty,i might consider it! i live on the Pacific Coast so it would be appropriate,it’s in Texas,a favorite state of mine(mind?) and has(another favorite state) Louisiana registration! what’s not to like?

  • schizuki

    Probably would have been a success if Honda had called it a Silverwing.

  • toomanycrayons

    Great writing and…PC800 selection issues? Is this moto-journalism’s truly dark secret?

    http://www.motorcycle.com/features/wanna-moto-journalist-editorial.html

  • Jim Jaudon

    God know the seller is right. I could not get two cases plus ice in my ’89 PC, but a couple of twelve packs took did me proud at the Saturday night races. Whomever designed this bike should be in the Beer Drinkers Hall of Fame. if for nothing else than putting drain plugs in the saddlebags.

  • Daisycutter

    “I made the trip in May of that year.” I have to assume he was talking about Daytona Bike Week That means he missed Bike Week by about 2 months. I went for 20 years from ’80 to 2000 and it was always the first weekend in March. Have the folks in Florida changed the schedule since then? Just wondering.