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Old 12-02-2008, 12:24 PM   #1
Kenneth_Moore
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Default You Must Be Wondering Why

we sent you "Live to Ride: Volume 1 - the first DVD in The Ultimate Motorcycle DVD Series.

That was the opening message in a package that arrived in my mailbox a week or so ago. The letter goes on to explain how I, Kenneth Moore, who apparently has "a passion for motorcycles and the riding lifestyle" has been given the opportunity to view this DVD at no cost whatsoever. I'll "go behind the scenes with "international" custom bike builder Jesse Rooke" (what, his Mom is Asian and his Dad is African? His bikes are multilingual?)...teaching me the tricks and skills neccessary to build a bike from the ground up." Then, I'll "journey to Sturgis, SD, for the granddaddy of all rallies (I guess Daytona is the Grandmammy) and immerse yourself in the culture of this fantastic event." I just sent back my Netflix copies of "From the Earth to the Moon," (what an awesome series that is) so I decided to give it a look.

Wow. I had no idea that I could "learn to build a custom motorcycle from the ground up" by watching TeeVee for a few hours. Well, gosh darn it, you can't. You can watch Jesse Rooke chase threads with a tap for what seems like hours (the complexity of fine versus coarse threads is truly overwhelming), and you can watch him slide an axle through some pre-assembled forks and a wheel (BTW, the axle is supposed to be CLEAN DAMN YOU, CLEAN!!).

Here's the good news: if you watch the assembly chapter at 16x speed, you don't have to listen to Jessie. And, you aren't missing anything, I assure you. In fact, it's a little hard to tell that you're not running the DVD at normal speed. He blabs on endlessly about the most mundane and trivial issues, like how to use a chain breaker. Whoof.

Having completed our motorcycle, we now get to ride it to Sturgis. Then we wake up and go buy one that runs and then we get to ride to Sturgis. I thought Jesse's chapter was bad. This chapter is excruciating. An endless stream of arm chaps, conchos, and furry helmets with big horns sticking out awaits the lucky recipient of this DVD. I just couldn't take it... Imagine one of those cheezy product placement shows on Speed Channel (I like the one with "Michele of the Large Breasts and Cowboy Hat") except done by a guy who took one class in video production at The Art Institute.

So, here are my choices: 1. put the DVD in my media rack so it looks fuller. 2. Put the DVD in the postage paid envelope and return it to Chris Barber at Motorcycle Product Programs, Inc., so that I'll "give another rider the same opportunity to participate in this exciting new series." They did mention that legally, because this is an unsolicited mailing, I don't really have to send it back... However, I'm not prone to being cruel to people I don't even know, so this option doesn't appeal to me. Or, given the time of year, I could wrap the DVD and re-gift it to a deserving "biker." Hmm...who do I know that's into Harleys and recently went to Sturgis? It can't cost that much to mail a DVD to Chicago...
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Old 12-02-2008, 02:02 PM   #2
pushrod
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Do guys from Chicago wear helmets with horns?

Speaking of the Speed Channel, I wish I'd taped the AT episode where Michele and the twins were 'building' a bike. I swear, I was on the edge of my seat.

I thought that breaker bar was gonna catch one of the twins, fer sure.

I mean, the way she was letting them hang around the worksite and all...
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Old 12-02-2008, 02:09 PM   #3
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Pick choice 1. Don't send that thing to me. You will just get it back when I get down there for Daytona.
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Old 12-02-2008, 05:53 PM   #4
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Does anyone have Socko's mailing address................?
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Old 12-02-2008, 07:06 PM   #5
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It's been a long and crappy day, but you, you got a smile out of me. Need postage?
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Old 12-03-2008, 06:41 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pushrod View Post
the twins were 'building' a bike. I swear, I was on the edge of my seat.
I've always been a type "A" personality versus type "B" (hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge). But whenever I see perfection in anything; the best of the best, I can always appreciate it. Or them, as the case may be.
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