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Administrator 06-03-2009 12:47 PM

Florida Motorcycle Travel Destinations
 
Original Article:
Florida Motorcycle Travel Destinations

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pushrod 06-03-2009 01:01 PM

Huh!

Actually a halfway decent article!

Re: the Panhandle (or as we call it, 'LA' (Lower Alabama)), Schooners is pretty good, but there are several others.

However, Schooner's has dedicated bike parking next to the front door, and there are few places on this big blue ball where you can enjoy your fruity rum drink whilst twiddling your toes in sugar white beach sand.

pplassm 06-04-2009 04:45 AM

"Average summer temperatures are in the low 80s, "

LOL

MOKE1K 06-04-2009 04:59 AM

Love it when the snow birds come in every year and refer to Florida as Paradise? Iam like huh? Usually Iam thinking paradise is reserved for places like Bora bora, tahiti, and my home Hawaii.

Kenneth_Moore 06-04-2009 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pplassm (Post 215426)
"Average summer temperatures are in the low 80s, "

LOL

They averaged in temperatures from the last Ice Age for that statistic.

For those who don't know: Florida is a helmet-free state. If you're over 21, you're welcome to splatter your brains all over the highway.

Here's the REAL story:

Panhandle: South Alabama. Rednecks, Bible-Belters, poverty, dirty towns, crappy roads, agressive cops. Avoid like the plague.

Northeast: South Georgia. The stench of the paper mills in Jacksonville will be a lifetime memory. Stay off the beach, there's usually Man o' War jellyfish and oily residue from the port. Leave it to Florida to have the only river in the country that runs backwards, the St. Johns. It goes right through Jax, and if you're lucky, you can witness the algae bloom, another olfactory sensation that's one of a kind.

Central: If the Panhandle is the armpit of FL, the Orlando is the sphincter. Once a beautiful, green, cobblestoned city, O-Town is now the Great Disney Industrial Wasteland. Imagine every tacky, overpriced tourist trap ever conceived by mankind, multiply by 1,000, and stuff it into 100 square miles. Heavy drugs are strongly recommended if you plan to do more than drive through. The Space Center is pretty cool if you want to ride East, and Cocoa Beach is still pretty nice.

South: If Central Florida is the sphincter, then that only leaves the colon for South Floriday. Pretty accurate, in that all the crap that doesn't get pushed out the bottom coats the coasts of South FL. If you don't speak Spanish, hire a guide, translator, and bodyguard. It's a great place for you gun nuts, you'll be right at home brandishing your assault rifles in the Denny's parking lot. Don't even think about riding. You have a family who loves you, it's not worth it. If my probation officer would permit me to, I'd flee this hellhole tomorrow.

The Keys: Actually pretty damn nice. You get to ride your bike over 100 miles of water. There's nothing like it. Just don't go during any kind of holiday or "season." The Key West Poker Run in late August is something every rider must do in their lifetime.

pushrod 06-04-2009 06:58 AM

!


Obviously, Ken is no longer with the State Tourism Board...


BTW, you forgot to mention that the 'Curves Ahead' signs seen around the country are made in one or more of the FL State prisons, and exported. All of them. 'Cause none are needed here.

And for some reason, 'Beware of Buicks!' signs are not allowed.

sarnali2 06-04-2009 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOKE1K (Post 215427)
Love it when the snow birds come in every year and refer to Florida as Paradise? Iam like huh? Usually Iam thinking paradise is reserved for places like Bora bora, tahiti, and my home Hawaii.

Moke, yesterday I rode up to the top of Chinook Pass, 5400 feet up, 90 degrees air temps winding my way through 10 foot snowbanks up to the top, like standing in front of the freezer with the door open on a hot day...crisp clean air, the whole world dropping away at my feet... total silence when I shut the bike off....

That my friend is paradise...

seruzawa 06-04-2009 07:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarnali2 (Post 215433)
Moke, yesterday I rode up to the top of Chinook Pass, 5400 feet up, 90 degrees air temps winding my way through 10 foot snowbanks up to the top, like standing in front of the freezer with the door open on a hot day...crisp clean air, the whole world dropping away at my feet... total silence when I shut the bike off....

That my friend is paradise...

Shut up. Do you want even more of Easterners heading west and Kalifornians heading north?

Ken! Sarnali is wrong. It is 125 degrees in the shade out this direction and will stay that way until November. You need a water tank to spray water on you if you ride this time of year. All of us are inside with the airconditioning running full blast right now! You are much better off staying where you are. Your friends too. Spread the word.

sarnali2 06-04-2009 07:24 AM

Oh...did you think I meant here??? I was talking about Chinook Pass in ...um....Ohio...that's right...out there by Cleveland...um...turn right on Coyahoga Blvd and head east...can't miss it...

Seru's right.. it totally sucks here, I wish I could afford to move but the standard of living is so low I can barely afford to buy Top Ramen and hot dogs to feed my kids, I had to feed my daughters hamster to the dogs or they would have starved.... I already cut the dogs tails off for stew meat, and the cops..jeeze if you even look like you might ride a bike they're all over you like a cheap suit, course they can't get you for speeding because the traffics so bad...don't matter anyway because the bike got stolen last week.....

Yup, Flarida sounds like a wonderful place...anywhere in the south does...I'd sure stay there if that's where I lived...

Kenneth_Moore 06-04-2009 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seruzawa (Post 215436)
Ken! Sarnali is wrong. It is 125 degrees in the shade out this direction and will stay that way until November. You need a water tank to spray water on you if you ride this time of year. All of us are inside with the airconditioning running full blast right now! You are much better off staying where you are. Your friends too. Spread the word.

Don't worry, the Florida Creeping Crud will take another generation to make it that far North.

We do have a cooling water spray every afternoon now. From 1.5" to 3" daily. Right during commuting hours. I couldn't stand the car another day and rode anyway. I said my prayers last night, so hopefully I'll make it home alive.


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