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Old 08-20-2008, 07:10 AM   #1
sarnali2
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Default Didja' hear........

...about the parachute instructor with a blind friend? He took him up for a skydiving lesson and when they were back on the ground a friend of the instructor asked how he' liked it....

"Oh great " he said..."the wind in your face..the feeling of just floating...wonderful....I loved it!..scared the sh*t out of my dog though"......
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Old 08-20-2008, 08:55 AM   #2
newagetwotone
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Blind women walks into a store, picks up her dog by the tail and starts spinning it in circles above her head. Shes knocking over shelves, people, carts...

the manager comes running up and goes "whoa whoa, can i help you?"

The blind lady responds "Nope, just looking"
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Old 08-20-2008, 09:19 AM   #3
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A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
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Old 08-20-2008, 09:31 AM   #4
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An Irishman walks into a neighborhood bar in Chicago, orders three beers, sits at a table and drinks the three beers and walks out. He does this each day. After a couple of weeks the bartender suggests that he order them one at a time so they'll stay cold.

The Irishman says, "No, you see, I have two brothers in different parts of the world and we swore that we would each drink three beers in each others honor until we're together again."

The bartender thinks this is a great tradition and things continue like this for another couple of months.

One day the Irishman walks in and orders two beers. The bar goes silent. A few minutes later the bartender walks over to the Irishman and says, "I'm sorry to disturb you in your time of grief but is there anything we can do for you?"

The Irishman says, "What are you talking about?"

The Bartender says, " Well, you ordered two beers. I thought that one of your brothers had passed away."

The Irishman says, "Oh no. You don't understand. You see, my wife got religion and made me quit drinking."
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Old 08-20-2008, 10:17 AM   #5
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Naked woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm..............

No wait- What do you call a Mexican (sorry- Latino) with two d!cks?
Jose and hose B.

Outside of being a little lame it wasn't tooooo politically incorrect, was it?
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Old 08-20-2008, 10:30 AM   #6
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A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. "Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A Blonde woman timidly spoke up..........

"I'll try it - just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"
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Old 08-20-2008, 10:31 AM   #7
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These two half-deaf nuns are riding on a noisy train. One nun had just been to South America, and she was using her hands to describe the huge coconuts and giant bananas she saw. The other nun leans close and says: "Father WHO?"
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Old 08-20-2008, 11:50 AM   #8
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A guy's out walking his Doberman and decides to stop in the Tav for a beer, he ties the Dobie to a lampost and goes in. A short while latter a little old lady walks in and asks who owns the dog tied to the post, the guy answers up and the lady says well I'm sorry but my Chiuaua just killed him.....How on earth did that happen asks they guy?..well I'm not sure says the lady but I think he choked to death trying to eat him..
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Old 08-20-2008, 12:22 PM   #9
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This guy is going to get married on Saturday. On Thursday he goes to his fiance's house to finalize arrangements. His bride-to-be is not there, the only person there is his fiance's sister who is 22 years old and extremely hot.

The sister tells him that she is totally hot for his body and she wants him to have sex with her before he marries her sister and he's off-limits. He looks at her silently and walks out of the house to get in his car. The fiance's family, who were hiding in the house, run out and congratulate him for passing this little "test" they set up for him.

Later that night he's in a bar with a buddy and says, "You know, I learned a valuable lesson today. Always keep your condoms in your car."
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Old 08-20-2008, 12:55 PM   #10
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A construction worker walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, "All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!" A sudden silence descends.

After a moment he asks "Anyone got a problem with that?" The silence lengthens.

He then chugs back another beer and growls, "And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum!" Once again, the bar is silent.

He looks around belligerently and roars, "Anyone got a problem with that?" A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards the man.

"You got a problem, buddy?"

"Oh no; I'm just on the wrong side of the bar."
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