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Old 06-02-2013, 05:15 PM   #1
seruzawa
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Default Movie: Star Trek X-M

It's been a couple hours since we sat through two hours of shaky cam, lens flares, cut-action and overblown CGI so my eyeballs have settled down now.

Why "Star Trek X-M"? Well, there was a scifi movie back in the 50s starring Lloyd Bridges that was named "Spaceship X-M". In it they are flying to the moon and their engines quit and so they stop moving in space. In the latest Star Trek the science is so incredibly bad that I felt this new moniker more appropriate.

Things I learned while watching "Star Trek: X-M"...er I mean "Star Trek: Into Darkness".

1- When a space ship is in orbit and it loses power it immediately starts to fall onto the planet.

2- Things in that space ship fall at a faster rate than the ship itself, allowing scenes of crew members falling long distances to splat on things. I didn't know that freefall acted that way.

3- Superior Khan man blood can raise the dead.

4- Once #3 is discovered naturally the people with the super blood will be frozen and hidden away so no one can raise them like cattle. The govt would never experiment on them. Never.

5- An officer can be changed from Captain to cadet and then to first officer and back to Captain at the whim of an admiral. For that matter Admirals captain starships whenever they want to . Or Not. Apparently in Star Fleet anyone pretty much does what he wants.

6- It is serious threat when someone threatens to "militarize" Star Fleet.... which is a military organization already with phasers and photon torpedoes and neat short skirts for the ladies and stuff.

6A- Considering #5 above "militarizing" Star Fleet might not be a bad idea. At least you would know who was doing what.

7- All important female crew members are superhot. The more educated, the hotter.

8- The movie takes place in 2257. Khan has been in suspended animation for 300 years. So he fought it out with Star Fleet in 1957. Cool!

9- The Gay Pride Parade in Frisco will have to be cancelled in 2258.

10-Naturally when your chief engineer resigns you then transfer a deck officer to chief engineer instead of promoting one of the engineering officers.

11- Never pi$$ a Vulcan off.

12- The target audience for this must be nearly brain dead. It's popularity makes me fear for the future of humanity.

My wife left the theatre feeling insulted. They'd taken the plot of "Wrath of Khan" and removed all the suspense, added CGI, frenetic scenery chewing and cameras without tripods and ended up with a barely coherent mess. The best part of STII was the hide and seek in the nebula. Naturally such things are impossible for today's movie goers who apparently expect a continuous stream of noisy explosions in the vacuum of space.

JJ Abrams gets no more of my movie dollars. Not that it matters that much. But his ST movies basically stink.
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Old 06-02-2013, 05:27 PM   #2
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serves you right for watching it. I felt the same way about Prometheus, really looked forward to it, really glad I watched it on OnDemand for $4 instead of going to the movies and spending $50. though I did enjoy it it was a let down from all the anticipation.
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Old 06-02-2013, 06:55 PM   #3
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#1 - in all fairness, they've done this at least twice before in Gen II, and I think at least once in Gen I.

#2 - maybe it's the SHIP that's falling faster - people inside it might be falling UP and splortching all-over the CEILING like sacks of wet cement. (yes, I KNOW, I F'N KNOW - I'm playing Devil's Advocate here, not a Doctor, Dammit!)

#7 - at least they got SOMETHING right, yo.

You should recheck your maths on #8.

Oh - and you mis-spelled KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!

That's how the REAL James T. Kirk spelzit. Font size and all.

#10 - have you never watched Galaxy Quest? Fake it. Nobody will notice.

#11 - I seem to recall Spock mopping the floor with Kirk on NUMEROUS occasions in Gen I. Literally. Dunk, wringer, figure-8 swirl....
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Old 06-02-2013, 07:12 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The_AirHawk View Post
#1 - in all fairness, they've done this at least twice before in Gen II, and I think at least once in Gen I.

#2 - maybe it's the SHIP that's falling faster - people inside it might be falling UP and splortching all-over the CEILING like sacks of wet cement. (yes, I KNOW, I F'N KNOW - I'm playing Devil's Advocate here, not a Doctor, Dammit!)

#7 - at least they got SOMETHING right, yo.

You should recheck your maths on #8.

Oh - and you mis-spelled KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!

That's how the REAL James T. Kirk spelzit. Font size and all.

#10 - have you never watched Galaxy Quest? Fake it. Nobody will notice.

#11 - I seem to recall Spock mopping the floor with Kirk on NUMEROUS occasions in Gen I. Literally. Dunk, wringer, figure-8 swirl....
1957, 1857... little dif. Errors are a result of having watched the dammed thing. Watch this crap too much and you get as stupid as it is.

Gen1 and Gen2 didn't spend $150million per episode. In fact each full season of Gen1 cost as much as one episode of Gen2.
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Old 06-02-2013, 07:18 PM   #5
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1957, 1857... little dif. Errors are a result of having watched the dammed thing. Watch this crap too much and you get as stupid as it is.

Gen1 and Gen2 didn't spend $150million per episode. In fact each full season of Gen1 cost as much as one episode of Gen2.
Yes, but that's no excuse for you to mis-spell KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!
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Old 06-02-2013, 08:03 PM   #6
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What's unforgivable is Chris Pine.
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Old 06-02-2013, 09:20 PM   #7
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Patrick Stewart is a tough act to follow, Kate Mulgrew did a good job. Chris Pine, saddly didn't..
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Old 06-03-2013, 06:08 AM   #8
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The kid and I went last weekend. I promised the kid I wouldn't shred it, so we checked our logic and sensibility at the door and enjoyed it.

However, I just couldn't let the "warp core alignment" slide. All these years hearing that phrase I've visualized boffins making adjustments to within a billionth of a millimeter. But it turns out Kirk can hang from a steam pipe like an orangutan and kick the ****ing thing until the spark plug starts firing again. I mean really, couldn't they take a couple of broom handles and brace the warp core up so it's doesn't get "out of alignment" every time the ship takes a bump or two?
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Old 06-03-2013, 06:53 AM   #9
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Honest, I tried to enjoy it. But when I realized it was a remake of the Wrath of Kahn I just lost any desire to overlook the idiocies. On the plus side I liked the interplay of Spock/Kirk. But really, this is all they can think of? Maybe the next ST will rehash STIV... the other successful one.

Time to put the entire ST concept to bed. It's worn out.
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Old 06-03-2013, 07:50 AM   #10
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You are watching a sci-fi action movie and comparing it to real science? Really? Comparing that movie to Robocop (or Buckaroo Banzai) would be more fun and more relevant.

My gf and I saw it a couple of weeks ago, and enjoyed it. She didn't understand all the men crying in it, though I thought that was a bit overdone myself.
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