Go Back   Motorcycle Forum > Other > Motorcycle.Com Lounge

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-28-2009, 07:25 AM   #1
BrowningBAR
Snuggles

 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: In a really, really, really old farmhouse
Posts: 4,369
Default No, seriously, maybe we really are gonna die.

Scientists Not So Sure 'Doomsday Machine' Won't Destroy World

"Still worried that the Large Hadron Collider will create a black hole that will destroy the Earth when it's finally switched on this summer?

Um, well, you may have a point."

ttp://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,483477,00.html
BrowningBAR is offline   Reply With Quote

Sponsored Links Remove Advertisements
Motorcycle Forum
Advertisement
Old 01-28-2009, 07:48 AM   #2
seruzawa
The Toad

 
seruzawa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: 8501 ft.
Posts: 17,461
Default

Most people don't know that when the scientists set off the first thermonuclear bomb in the Pacific they calculated a very small chance that the reaction would spread to the ocean thus turning the entire planet into a small star. They figured it was worth the risk.
__________________
"Make no mistake, Communism lost a big argument - one we know today as the 20th century."
seruzawa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2009, 09:01 AM   #3
The_AirHawk
Founding Member
 
The_AirHawk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Leanin' Tower O' P-P-P-P-POWAAAAAAAAA!!!!
Posts: 11,491
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by seruzawa View Post
Most people don't know that when the scientists set off the first thermonuclear bomb in the Pacific they calculated a very small chance that the reaction would spread to the ocean thus turning the entire planet into a small star. They figured it was worth the risk.
Aren't you thinking of the "Trinity Test" - where they set the first bomb off on a tower. About half the Scientists surmised the explosion would be hot-enough to ignite the atmosphere and destroy all life on the planet...................

"YOU wanna press the button?"

"Yeah, OK - Why not............."
__________________
Parfois, on fait pas semblant
Sometimes, it's not pretend
Oderint Dum Metuant
Let them hate so long as they fear
политики предпочитают безоружных крестьян
Politicians Prefer Unarmed Peasants
Nothing to see here, Citizen. Move along now...

Last edited by The_AirHawk : 01-28-2009 at 02:28 PM. Reason: cain't spel fer shyte
The_AirHawk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2009, 10:02 AM   #4
seruzawa
The Toad

 
seruzawa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: 8501 ft.
Posts: 17,461
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_AirHawk View Post
Aren't you thinking of the "Trinity Test" - where they set the first bomb off on a tower. About half the Scientists surmised the explosion would be hot-enough to ingnite the atmosphere and destroy all life on the planet...................

"YOU wanna press the button?"

"Yeah, OK - Why not............."
No, that was another round of "let's take a chance".

Imagine several MIRVed warheads going off nearby each other simultaneously.

I'd rather not actually.
__________________
"Make no mistake, Communism lost a big argument - one we know today as the 20th century."
seruzawa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2009, 11:53 AM   #5
newagetwotone
Registered Member
 
newagetwotone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,302
Default

No! I will kill you all! Bwahahahahaha....



And now for something completely different...
newagetwotone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2009, 12:01 PM   #6
BrowningBAR
Snuggles

 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: In a really, really, really old farmhouse
Posts: 4,369
Default

A customer enters a pet shop.

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you
show...

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the
first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
BrowningBAR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2009, 12:27 PM   #7
seruzawa
The Toad

 
seruzawa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: 8501 ft.
Posts: 17,461
Default

Streebeck! Are you drinking on duty again?
__________________
"Make no mistake, Communism lost a big argument - one we know today as the 20th century."
seruzawa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2009, 01:03 PM   #8
newagetwotone
Registered Member
 
newagetwotone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,302
Default

Cheese shop...

"Danish bimbo?"

"Yes, but its a bit runny"
newagetwotone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2009, 01:24 PM   #9
Kenneth_Moore
Registered Member
 
Kenneth_Moore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: VIsiting the GIft Shop in the Pit of DIspair
Posts: 7,118
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by seruzawa View Post
Most people don't know that when the scientists set off the first thermonuclear bomb in the Pacific they calculated a very small chance that the reaction would spread to the ocean thus turning the entire planet into a small star. They figured it was worth the risk.
I believe you're referring to the Bikini Island test. The bomb's explosive force was several orders of magnitude greater than their most optimistic (heh heh) expectations. As a result hundreds of US Navy personnel and thousands of civilians on nearby islands were nuked to a toasty golden brown. The islanders are still having babies with fins and gills. But it made for a really cool sunset that day.
__________________
www.kennethmoore.org
Kenneth_Moore is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2009, 01:43 PM   #10
sarnali2
Aging Cafe` Racer

 
sarnali2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Sittin' down by my window, lookin' at the rain.
Posts: 8,719
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenneth_Moore View Post
The islanders are still having babies with fins and gills.

Not their most attractive feature perhaps but dam* handy for spearfishing a nice MahiMahi or Red Snapper for the dinner table....
__________________
"Carpe` Throttelum -Loud Suits Save Lives"

"He said he's farting because of his medication"...
sarnali2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump