What's Wrong With This Picture?

Sean Alexander
by Sean Alexander

The ever-curious staff over at Google-Street-View.com discovered this graphic example of the perils of riding like an untrained adventurer in the urban jungle. Unfortunately for him, our hapless crash-test-dummy performs this graphic demonstration while riding almost completely unprotected. What can we learn?

Our valiant demonstration rider approaches the scene of his crash. As these photos progress, you’ll notice he’s travelling roughly twice as fast as the camera vehicle.

We’ve travelled another 10 feet, but our fearless rider has already gone another 20… I guess you just need to pin it to win it!

He’s definitely winning this race!

His skin-colored leathers make a bold fashion statement in Urban MotoGP warfare and are an effective mind game against the other riders. Take it from Valentino Rossi’s #1 fans, Sete Gibernau and Max Biaggi: Head games work!

The ladies will have trouble spotting your bitchin’ tattoos if you cover them up with riding gear. Besides, we’re in Brazil and you’re wearing an MX helmet, what could possibly go wrong?

You’re going to grab a mean side-draft off that white econobox, perfect for a slingshot pass at the end of the straight.

SWOOSH!

“YEAH … LOOK AT ME GO!”

“A friend of a friend once had an XR75 for a summer, and he taught me everything I know about riding, so I’m good to go. My corner entry line and body position are carefully calculated to…. oh, who am I kidding? I really don’t have a clue what the hell I’m doing!”

“I’m setting this cager up for a block-pass … Hey y’all hold my beer and watch this berm-shot!”

“I CAN SAVE IT!”

“Is it getting hot in herr, good thing I already took off all my clothes.”

That’s definitely going to leave a mark.

“I’m alright! Oww F#@& my hands and knees are killing me! I hope that cop feels some sympathy. Maybe he’ll be impressed that I saved so much cash on riding gear?”

Move along, there’s nothing to see here, folks.

Sean Alexander
Sean Alexander

I Exist.

More by Sean Alexander

Comments
Join the conversation
2 of 4 comments
  • DickRuble DickRuble on Sep 08, 2014

    I saw better a couple of weeks ago on a weekend, near a mall in my area. A Harley rider in short sleeves, wearing a skull cap helmet and thick beard, passes all traffic, which was moving too slowly for his taste, on the right and 25 yards ahead rear ends a small car waiting at the red light. It was comical to see the two old ladies, well into their 70s, trying to pick up the 6'4 bearded dude off the road. Even more comical were his rushed attempts to lift the bike and get on it, while the two old ladies were swarming around him asking if he was alright. He didn't seem interested in waiting for the cops..

Next