OMG WHAT’S THE WORLD COMING TO?! PACKS OF WILDING MOTORCYCLES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY GIVING US RESPECTABLE MOTORCYCLISTS A BAD NAME AND BRINGING THE GUB’MINT DOWN UPON US!!

Possibly the first recent incident that gained world-wide notoriety, in 2013, involved Alexian Lien and his wife and young daughter. Lien was dragged out of his Range Rover in New York and beaten by a gang of moto-ruffians who were upset that he’d run over and paralyzed one of them. In an excellent plot twist, one of the young squids turned out to be 34-year-old NYPD undercover Detective Wojciech Braszczok. Braszczok had made more than 250 undercover drug purchases, according to the New York Times, before being assigned to infiltrate the extremely dangerous Occupy Wall Street movement (sarcasm mine). Braszczok got two years prison for his role in the biker gang assault.

Another of the crazed youths, a 37-year-old Brooklyn electrician named Robert Sims, was sent to prison for three-and-a-half years. In sentencing Sims, the judge said, “When you saw Mr. Lien run over the other biker, keep in mind, you had no idea what was going on there… I don’t see that Mr. Lien or Ms. Ng did anything wrong here,” the Times reported.

Other than running over a guy on a motorcycle and attempting to leave the scene, neither do I. I mean, what would you do if you had a new Range Rover?

Meanwhile on the Left Coast, there was the case of the motorcycle gang that shut down a freeway here in L.A. for a marriage proposal. The video runs nearly four minutes, which was the length of time traffic was held up – about the same time it takes for the CHP to stop traffic to remove the new IKEA mattress that flew off the roof of your Range Rover. If this proposal had happened on an episode of Happy Days, it would’ve been a heartwarming interlude we Boomers would still grow misty-eyed over at every recollection. Remember the Chinese fire drill in American Graffiti? Funny stuff from the Fifties.

She said yes!

Dirty modern bikers, however, are no laughing matter. The San Gabriel Valley Tribune tells us, Hector Martinez, 24, of Covina, Mike John David Gutierrez, 38, of Lynwood, Giovanni Mendez, 19, of La Puente and Rudy Cadena, 24, of Long Beach were booked at the sheriff’s Industry station on suspicion of misdemeanor public nuisance and participation in an unlawful assembly. Martinez, who made the proposal, was also booked on suspicion of exhibition of speed.

Why didn’t Martinez just propose at the country club like everybody else? Anyway, I’d rather stop for a few minutes on the freeway and check my messages than be stuck behind a bunch of slow-rolling old guys on cruisers for miles – a thing which thankfully hasn’t happened to me in a while.

Speaking of the Fifties, I’ve seen this movie before. In fact, we’ve all seen several of them, including The Wild One starring Marlon Brando, The Wild Angels with Peter Fonda (three years before Easy Rider), and a bunch more movies just like them. Basically, your motorcyclists are risk takers, and as a result of that personality flaw the rest of us civilians can’t feel safe whenever there’s a bunch of them around, because you never know what crazy thing they’re going to do! In Lee Marvin’s day, they were going to have a few beers and fall asleep. In 1966, they just wanted to ride their machines, not be hassled by the man, and get loaded. Decent society can’t allow that to happen; neither can we.

More recently, this type of behavior has been spiralling out of control, to the point where two weeks ago, we brought you the scoop on this pack of nuts in, of all places, Canada!

Say, whose mom is that in the hi-viz jacket and red boots?

Then there was this crazed mob in Seattle, who reportedly assaulted an unidentified pickup driver. “All of a sudden I saw people taking their helmets off, and dropping them on the ground and running into this guy’s truck and they were shaking it all around and broke his side view mirror and there was this huge fight that happened.”

If anybody was hurt in that “huge fight”, they didn’t make it into the story.

Some of these nut riders were going the wrong way, up on sidewalks and doing burnouts. And when it’s not that, it’s people doing long wheelies down freeways in Tennessee, or blocking I-15 South in California. Of the latter incident, California Highway Patrol Sgt. Nathan Baer says the CHP has noticed a recent uptick in reckless motorcycle riding, not only on the 15 but also throughout the region: “We of course discourage it,” Baer said. “It’s illegal, extremely dangerous and extremely inconsiderate.” We will not tolerate inconsiderate.

(It’s also somewhat self-policing, since the cause of that freeway blockage was the death of 28-year old Leslie Elliott, who fell off his bike while standing up on the seat. RiP.)

As for me, I blame the Baltimore 12 O’Clock boys for starting this whole thing years ago, wheelying their dirtbikes and ATVs around on the city streets. First, the general population adopts gangster rap from the black man. Now, no longer able to afford 3-series BMWs and starter condos, we adopt two-wheeled civil disobedience, albeit of course with properly registered vehicles and ATGATT.

As responsible defenders of the true and pure motorcycle culture, we at MO are shocked and appalled by this behavior, and worriedly wring our hands that all this will cause our government officials to suddenly become functional enough to clamp down with Draconian Laws that will adversely affect the Entire Motorcycling Community.

Wait, that’ll never happen. These are all isolated incidents that make for great, fun news items, and our government officials are already bogged down in much weightier matters such as, which bathroom can transgender people use? Should bakers have to make cakes for gay weddings, and if so is it appropriate for the bride to wear white? And most importantly, how can I get re-elected?

I mean, sometimes even I think it’s ridiculous some of the motorcycles they allow me to operate on public roads (and I’m a highly skilled professional ;-)), but no government official has figured out a way to keep me from riding them yet.

If we could get the government to clamp down on motorcycles, though, it might be the greatest thing since the Honda Super Cub, with the potential to restore the industry to its former, pre-Great Recession glory. Obama in the White House and the threat of an imminent Hillary gun-control clampdown, I’m told by a couple of gun industry people I know, boosted sales of firearms tremendously for years.

Since Trump’s election, things have changed; gun sales have fallen through the floor. According to The Washington Times, “The number of purchases run through the National Instant Criminal Background Check System, known as NICS, dropped from about 2.2 million in July 2016 to 1.7 million last month, marking the seventh time in the eight full months since Mr. Trump’s election that there’s been a month-to-month drop. Mr. Obama oversaw 19 straight months of increases toward the tail end of his time in office.”

The best thing we can do to bolster the motorcycle industry, then, is to encourage these moto-mob flashes, wheelie-ins and freeway proposals as much as we can. Let’s all get out there and get wild – then get active and write our congress members in protest against these crazy motorcycle gangs! The threat of a crackdown, really only just rumors of a crackdown, should send sportbike sales through the roof, boosting the bottom line at MO and ensuring us all long prosperous lives. Does anybody know a good wheelie school?

  • Auphliam

    Did someone mention hyperbole on another article? Holy cow, that’s some serious sh*t they’re smokin over there in Spirit Lake LOL

    • hahaaaa

      Have you ever rode one? I’ve put over 50,000 miles on my 07 Kingpin and I’d agree, it’s a pretty nice ride. Best bike I’ve ever owned.

      • Auphliam

        Oh yeah, no doubt they’re great bikes. I’ve been a Victory owner since 2001. I can just do without the verbose, marketing oversell of a continually aging product. Instead of coming up with new ways of over-exaggerating the 106/6, I rather wish they would consider actually updating the now 7 year old package to at least keep pace with the competition.

  • Gungalagunga

    (All superlative comparisons made to other American Cruisers;)

  • Old MOron

    “Victory Motorcycles® has always focused on performance.”

    So they build cruisers?

    “The design brief for the very first Victory motorcycle was simple: build a motorcycle that’s more powerful and handles better than any other American cruiser.”

    Ha ha ha, they set the bar impossibly high right from the start.
    I can’t read any more. I’m laughing too loudly already.

    • CFLAP

      Like the other American manufacturers, I think their prime focus is on keeping the shareholders happy.

    • TheMarvelous1310

      Victory does make the best performing cruisers out there, bar none. Ride one and you’ll shut up about it, performance is measured differently when your feet are forward and your butt is low.

  • lcicenine

    All of the cheap crap parts from China, Japan, and India. Assembled in the USA so they can call Victory and Indian “American Made”.

    • hahaaaa

      Yeah ok, and Obama is Satan…
      Fact of the matter is that nearly 90% of the bike is truly made in America. The frames both cast and steel, bars and swingarms and entire motor/transmission are American made. Things like Italian forks and brembo brakes and such are imported. Victory & Indian’s are simply the best bikes made in America.

      • lcicenine

        Made in China.

  • ZeroCold

    Great tongue firmly implanted in cheek article. Sarcastic sense of humor always the best to bring out the truth of the subject.

  • JMDGT

    I know going in that once I get on a motorcycle I am seconds away from committing a crime. It is not easy living on the edge.

    • DO-NOT-MESS_with_USa

      Was that the ORIGINAL lyrics to a Steven Tyler tune?

  • Jon Jones

    Assholes and ghetto scum have hijacked our beloved sport.

  • JerryMander

    Wrong tone entirely. These people are assholes stunting at highway speeds on public roadways which is a great way to launch your bike into someone and kill them when they’re trying to go to work. The jag offs in New York deserved to be run over and they stabbed that driver. You should take this down.

    • BDan75

      Deserved to be run over, i.e., murdered? Nice. You’re one to be talking tone, moron.

      • JerryMander

        Yeah don’t try to obstruct and illegally detain a family trying to go home so your homies can beat them up and maybe you won’t deserve to be run over and maybe killed, bitch. Sounds like you do this kind of shit. Don’t brake check me in my car on your bike tough guy or you’ll be in the pavement too.

      • DO-NOT-MESS_with_USa

        (currently) Jerry 9 – BDan 2
        In the TOTAL CONTEXT of that A. Lien incident, I’d say YES to using brute force to protect yourself.
        The BIKER IDIOT put himself IN FRONT OF harms way,… well then, your next vehicle is a “Pavement Roller”. 8D

  • SteveSweetz

    Wow, you really grotesquely misrepresent that first event to an extent that has just made me lose a lot of respect for you.

    The riders were a group of stunters, the kind that blitz through reds and block off roads and punch out mirrors for laughs. The Range Rover driver and the stunters had engaged in some mutually antagonistic behavior leading up to it getting really serious, but what kicked things off is when one of the stunters pulled in front of him and brake checked him. The driver hit that rider, but he was not seriously injured. At this point, his car was stopped and the entire mob surround his car and started banging on it. He then gunned the gas to escape and angry mob and it was this point that he struck and seriously injured one of the stunters.

    He was escaping an angry mob and you better believe I would do the same to protect my family in his place. If you wouldn’t, you’re a poor husband and a poor father. For you to post anything even slightly on the rider’s side of that event is really disgusting.

    I’m generally not easily offended, but defending a bunch of human scum just because they ride motorcycles crosses a line.

    • Buzz

      Well, he defends Occupy which literally left hundreds of pounds of human scum in its wake.

      • Bruce Steever

        As compared to the thousands of pounds of human garbage in the banks that were being protested…?

      • john burns

        hundreds of pounds of human scum is a tiny tiny piece in the grand scheme.

        • Buzz

          Then try not to go into a tizzy when a dozen “white supremacists” leave their mother’s basements and polish a Stonewall Jackson statue.

          • john burns

            we wouldn’t mind if they didn’t plow their Challengers into crowds of people. Let’s crack down on Challenger drivers.

          • Buzz

            It’s your heroes that are showing up with hoods and sticks.

            Anti Fascist indeed!

  • TC

    Mr. Burns, if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. There’s nothing funny or cool about stunters. The car driving average Joe sees them as the face of motorcycling. The AMA and other motorcycle advocates need to speak up and forcefully denounce this kind of stupid, rude, and dangerous behavior.

    • john burns

      didn’t the sheriff say that to Marlon Brando?

      • Joe Gresh

        The face of motorcycling needs a snarl. Crank this shit up higher, Burns. We are in danger of becoming normal.

        • john burns

          yeah ahhh I don’t think we need a snarl, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing if the people in the mini van are a tiny bit afraid of what you might do if they try to run over you.

          • Campisi

            Disconcerting smile?

          • Sayyed Bashir

            I agree. We as motorcyclists are vulnerable out there among cars, SUVs and trucks which don’t pay attention to motorcycles. A little bit of attitude goes a long way. I want them to see me, hear me, and get out of my way, which they do.

    • lundque

      Actually, as a former AMA staffer, I think the AMA and others ought to see this as an outreach opportunity to bring them into a fold of respectability…

      • john burns

        Too busy fighting off helmet
        Laws.

        • lundque

          Hey! I was the dirt bikes and democracy guy back then!

      • john burns

        also i’m commandeering “fold of respectability” for future use as I see fit.

        • Buzz

          That’s the name of my very bland heavy metal band.

        • lundque

          Caution there, people already tell me they need a thesaurus when we converse…

      • TC

        That would be akin to the NRA recruiting gangbangers.

        • john burns

          yeah but the NRA is an actual highly effective organization, and probably has tons of gangbangers on its rolls.

          • Xenu Teegeeack

            YES, “the NRA is an actual highly effective organization.”

            NO, the NRA positively does NOT have ANY gangbangers on its rolls.

            Don’t believe me? Please don’t take my word for it. Get yourself to an NRA convention sometime. First you will feel extremely secure while meeting friendly people of all colors and persuasions. Except you will note something common about their occupations; cops, military, doctors, nurses, lawyers, judges, mechanics, pilots… to laborers and janitors. They all DO something that makes a worthwhile contribution to society, not tearing it down. You won’t see NRA members on the street, on either side, of the recent “manufactured-for-show protests”. Never will meet any ganbangers, criminals, or faux-enraged protesters unless its outside the convention.

            In reality, the NRA has absolutely never had any political stand on any political topic, except one: the second amendment. This narrow of definition of purpose is the key to their effectiveness and also can quickly and easily let you distinguish whether any NRA news story is actual or fake news. If the news story is about the 2nd amendment and says the NRA is for it, then its an actual news story. If its about any other topic, and has the NRA taking a stand on that topic, then its a contrived story. This drives the left positively nuts as they want to force everyone into their pigeon holed identity topic of outrage dujour.

            This comment was provided as a public service, just in case anyone is confusing actual reality with actual sarcasm.

          • john burns

            Yes, I’m sure there’s not a single dirtbag among the NRA’s 5 million members. All straight arrows.

  • allworld

    Squid to calamari in 15 feet or less. But wait there’s more to follow………..
    Only the reckless can save us…………

  • Starmag

    sigh……..

    • Sayyed Bashir

      Defending motorcyclists.

  • schizuki

    Burnsie’s most embarrassingly adolescent article since his knob-slobbing of Jesse James back in the print days.

    • Mad4TheCrest

      I think ’embarrassingly adolescent’ is one of John’s best qualities.

      • Sayyed Bashir

        At least he manages to set the comment section on fire.

  • freeway stunts are and always be dangerous for the riders and the other motorists. we are trying to make safer roads and not the other way around.

    • Sayyed Bashir

      How many stunt riders and motorists have been killed?

      • john burns

        Ding ding ding! Winner! Zero so far in the incidents I mentioned here except for the guy who fell off his bike standing up, condolences to his people.

  • Vrooom

    I think some of you are missing this is tongue in cheek. He’s just saying that if people feeling their guns are going to be taken away irrationally drives gun sales, then people thinking their bikes are being taken away will irrationally drive bike sales. I don’t think John is advocating hooliganism, albeit if you take him at his word and don’t read it with sarcasm in mind I can see where you get your opinion about this article.

    • Sayyed Bashir

      Why are bikes always associated with guns? Guns are used to kill people. Bikes are basic transportation.

      • Xenu Teegeeack

        Sure, “Bikes are basic transportation.” But while bikes can be basic transport, there are many other purposes as well. Dirt bikes are certainly not basic transportation, neither are 1,000LB intercontinental baggers, cruisers, ADV bikes, custom bikes, or even race bikes. To reduce all of ‘bikes”, a nuanced and complicated subject, to merely “basic transportation” cuts out a whole lot, or even most of all bike territory.

        Guns that are used to kill people are exactly like motorcycles that are used to kill people on the highway. The object or tool, a motorcycle or a gun, in and of itself is entirely inert and harmless. It is the person operating the object or tool that does the actual killing, whether it be through ignorance or clear intent. Shame on anyone for using a motorcycle, a gun, or a bicycle lock to go around threatening or harming other people.

        Like motorcycles, guns can certainly be dangerous, but stating their purpose as only for “just kill(ing) people” ignores 95% of the other purposes that guns are used for. Police carry guns as a symbol of authority, as a deterrent, for security, and only a tiny fraction of the time are used to kill people. Of the multiple millions of guns in private hands, only a tiny fraction are ever used to kill people. Providing personal security is a big purpose for many guns, without ever killing anyone. People use a lot of guns for target practice, a very difficult sport to master, requiring much training, skill development, and careful practice. Other areas are black powder/historical reenacting, skeet/trap shooting, air rifles, or just 22 plinking, not to mention hunting.

        Like motorcycles, guns used by trained personnel, are safe and can be whole bunch of fun and enjoyment. So it is natural to associate guns with motorcycles, airplanes, or any other tools that can be dangerous if used by ignorant, drunk, or malicious people.

        The millions and millions of responsible gun owners really hate it when ignorant, drunk, or malicious people use a gun. It makes the shallow minded want to quickly ban all guns without a second thought to the wider purposes. Just as much as the deaths and harm caused by motorcycle hooligans makes the shallow minded want to quickly blame, condemn, and ban all motorcycles.

        Unfortunately, the shallow minded are most commonly our very own elected officials.

        • Sayyed Bashir

          How many people have been intentionally killed by a motorcycle? How many people have tried to use a motorcycle to kill someone? Is the purpose of motorcycles killing people? What is the purpose of guns? What are they designed to do? You can’t just make up stuff to prove your point. Next you will say people can be killed by a spoon and I will say is the purpose of a spoon killing people. By this logic you can say anything is like anything else, so what is the point of this discussion? Guns have nothing to do with motorcycles.

          • Xenu Teegeeack

            Yes, I agree. And thank you for having an open mind and seeing the futility of this very faulty logic, be it about guns or motorcycles. Unfortunately, despite how faulty the logic is doesn’t stop it from being repeated.

            Many people have learn how to talk but show they have not learned how to use logic. Besides, logic gets in the way of cherished preconceived notions and feel-good opinions.

            Haters gotta hate, holligans gonna hooligate, but John Burns just has to stir up the pot!

          • DO-NOT-MESS_with_USa

            “By this logic…”
            THAT IS the beauty of ignorance.

      • major tom

        Funny, I always thought guns were for shooting bullets. What do you suppose the ratio is between killing people and having fun with those bullets? 10,000,000,000,000,000 to 1? And of course grandma has a right to defend herself, still.

    • SteveSweetz

      The sarcasm is blatantly obvious, readers aren’t that dumb. However, for some of us, it goes a little too far in service of making what is ultimately a pretty weak joke/criticism.

      The article is a veiled criticism of mainstream media fear mongering over riding mobs, yes? Fine, except that, (a) he misrepresented the events of the Alexian Lien assault and that group absolutely deserves the negative coverage, (b) sarcastically criticizing the media coverage of these mobs comes of as a tacit defense of them (intended of not) which is not something we should encourage or support under any guise and, (c) he’s preaching to the choir by posting this on a site read by people who are (presumably) already riders.

      I’m a rider and I despise those stunter mobs myself. It didn’t take mainstream media coverage for me to reach that conclusion and it doesn’t take mainstream media to cause non-riders to lump them in with rest of us. The thousands of people those mobs scare, disrupt, and annoy in person reach that conclusion of their own accord. Any kind of tacit support or defense of them, tongue-in-cheek or not, isn’t something I can get behind.

  • Personally, I thought that first incident was a pretty good ad for Range Rover.

  • Old MOron

    C’mon MOrons, have a little awareness.
    http://www.literarydevices.com/irony/

    • Kevin Duke

      Indeed, irony isn’t just a feeling you get when looking at wrinkled clothes…

      • Old MOron

        Now I’ve got a punny feeling about this thread.

        • Bruce Steever

          Well, the crazies are bursting the seams…

    • Campisi

      Yeah, a lot of these comments are bogus.

      “These thugs might kill someone! They should all be killed, immediately.”

  • Joe Gresh

    First they came for the assholes. Then the canyon riders. Then the bikers, then they brought bagels.

    • john burns

      bagels where??

    • Donnie

      If they are looking for assholes, I may be in a little bit of danger. There isn’t anything but cornfields for hundreds of miles around here, so I’m safe from them getting me for canyon strafing. I wouldn’t be caught dead as a “biker”. And bagels are full of carbs so my fat ass can’t eat them anymore. Woe is me, I’m pathetic!

  • Buzz

    You should have included Hells Angels ’69 in the list of biker movies.

    The producer and star, Tom Stern, is a personal friend of mine and at 84 years old still surfs and plays softball. He’s a hoot to talk to. He made the film with money from the real Oakland HA.

    Might be a good MO story.

    I still make him his do his dance moves from the opening scene in the night club.

  • lundque

    OK Burns, except for defending that Range Rover group, I find myself more in agreement with you than not. After all, I recall getting harrassed by the man almost every time I went for a ride as a beginning rider… I’ve not been stopped for no good reason since 1978 when my bride and I were off for a cruise on my brand new Bonnie, and the temp tag on the back was the officer’s excuse… So, have we in many ways just become too durn respectable? Why, I remember when motor officers were considered the outlaws of the police world, riding their highly illegal open-piped, no front braked personal choppers on their off hours, packing on their hips… We learned to ride while illegal in the quarries south of Baltimore, right where the BWI airport Fridays and Marriotts are today. The kids today don’t even have that much opportunity! I close with a quote from John Prine’s Illegal Smile, which takes on meaning beyond the original: “Won’t you please tell the man I didn’t kill anyone, no, I’m just tryin to have me some fun…”

    • Sayyed Bashir

      The man doesn’t like bikers. Two of my speeding tickets (one this year and one last year) were just because they were interested in my jacket with patches.

  • gunny 2shoes

    high horse hand wringing melodrama about nothing, hate it when i fall off though.

  • John B.

    Let me spell it out for you all. John is merely trying to tell us there has never been a better time to become a serial killer.

  • How dare you write tongue-in-cheek, Burns! We’re not here to entertain these people.

    • Sayyed Bashir

      Without comments there would be no entertainment.

    • john burns

      OVER entertain is what we eschew.

    • Campisi

      I’m just here for the moral fibre.

  • Craig Hoffman

    If I pop even the smallest most innocuous little wheelie or exhibit the tiniest bit of speed, The Man comes down on me from out of nowhere and writes a big fat ticket. No handcuffs, no face down on the pavement or other rough treatment, just “check please”.
    As a pasty middle aged insurance professional with some modest assets to attach, I can’t seem to get away with anything. I guess I need to go to Hoodlum school.

    I really want a KTM Super Duke, but I know exactly where that would get me, so I refrain. See? The Man is costing KTM sales! This problem must be rectified 😛

    • Mad4TheCrest

      If you are thinking bagger maybe you should consider that new ‘Eluder’ featured elsewhere on this site. I’d pay to see someone doing block long wheelies on that thing …

      • Craig Hoffman

        I will leave that to Mr. Duke, who has proven quite able to wheelie on in-advisably large motorcycles!

    • Sayyed Bashir

      That’s the same reason I haven’t even considered a SDR or GSX-R1000 because I know I will get speeding tickets and possibly lose my license within a couple of months. It is frustrating to have a high performance motorcycle and not being able to use it (except at the track). There are remote areas in Nevada where nobody cares what you do, but my daily commute is the most heavily CHP patrolled corridor in NorCal.

    • David Gasser

      Track Days?

  • ADB

    Mr Burns, – another great one for a Friday afternoon. Well done.

  • David Gasser

    This is happening in Cleveland as well…the City is building a dirt track to encourage a constructive outlet for some of these obviously talented riders.

    http://www.cleveland.com/metro/index.ssf/2017/01/a_divided_cleveland_city_counc.html

  • DO-NOT-MESS_with_USa

    When I see KRAP like this from squids, I ROOT for their death & destruction.
    So when I watch a ZOOM-SPLAT… that don’t, I sigh and say DARN, HOPEFULLY NEXT ONE.