While we were waiting for a V-Four superbike to emerge from across the Pacific, Aprilia launched a sneak attack from across the other pond, in 2009. In 2010 and again in 2012, Max Biaggi and the RSV4 brought World Superbike Championships home to Noale. Ten years ago, as we entered the electronic era, our man Tor Sagen rode the latest and greatest version around Jerez. 

Wretched excess meets diminished expectations as the world crawls from an economic crater, deals with Fukushima fallout, watches Obama hunt down Osama, and swoons over BMW’s new 6-cylinder. These were the Top 10 Motorcycles of 2011. Shirley it’s all downhill from here?

Don’t think there’s any plan for a 2021 “600 Shootout,” as the only two left are the Kawasaki and Suzuki. Sad, really. With modern quickshifters and things, these bikes might’ve evolved into something great. The Ninja 636 H2 should be along any minute now… While you’re waiting, here’s the track portion of the Supersport Shootout from a decade ago, complete with Fonzie video, starring the evergreen Troy “Trizzle” Siahaan, the Dukester himself, and Pete Brissette.

Twenty years ago, MO sometimes read more like Calvin & Hobbes as it attempted to find its way in the print-dominated moto-media world, except it was often Calvin (Kim) & Minime (Brent Avis): Two lads with various friends, real and imagined, wandering around the LA landscape on motorcycles, attempting to make sense of the world with very little in the way of adult supervision, and even less in the way of budget. It wasn’t a bad way to go there for a while. Then again, a lot of it wouldn’t fly in the modern world. This week’s Church of MO: Softail Deuce vs. BMW R1200C Phoenix.

Twenty years ago we didn’t need no stinkin’ TFT displays or active suspension or adaptive cruise control, cause we had paper maps and Walkmans, our butts were tough from all the beatings, and our wrists were well-developed from all the, ah, riding. And we liked it that way. Twenty years ago, Minime and the “MO Staff” escaped to Yosemite for a nice ride aboard a pair of Italians stallions. Why doesn’t Aprilia make a modern Futura? Why?

Aaaaah, just so: more of  a “supersport for the street” than a race-replica like the R6 and GSX-R600 of the day, Honda’s 2001 CBR600F4i said sayonara to the carburetor and hello to the modern world – and also to a new-fangled catalyzer up its tailpipe to meet CARB 2004. Following a few Las Vegas laps, Minime deduced once again, it’s just about the easiest supersport bike to ride fast, on the street or on the race track. Those were the days.

If it’s 2021, it must be time for a new Ducati Monster. In fact, it’s nearly always time for a new Ducati Monster. Since the original M900 of 1993, naked Monsters in probably 40 iterations both great and small have been a huge part of Ducati’s success. The beauty of that is, if you don’t like the new, non-trellis framed Monster that’s scheduled to appear for 2021, there are tons of pre-owned Monsters out there looking for a good home. Pete rode this one in Sicily ten years and six days ago.

Jan Brady was a middle sibling in the `70s sit-com The Brady Bunch, who got no respect as a result of her Coke-bottle glasses, lack of acting skills, and that none of the three Brady sisters on the show could hold a candle to the beauty of Alice the housekeeper. Which is kind of the situation the Honda XR250R found itself in 25 years ago – smaller-pistoned and therefore less desirable than the XR400 and XR650. Anyway, all those air-cooled beasts were unkillable when you could get them to (kick)start, and Honda will still sell you a brand-new XR650 if you desire one as Alice desired Sam the butcher.

Rather hard to believe that KTM didn’t build its first street motorcycle until 1996 – the Duke 620. Since then, the Austrians have built so many excellent Dukes, RC sportbikes, and great adventure motorcycles it’s hard to remember the time before. Today we look back 20 years to when the orange brand decided to make a push into the world of motocross. It took them a while to get there, but they did achieve three Supercross titles in a row with Ryan Dungey, 2015 through 2017. An Easter reading from the book of Kato.

Back when men were men, MO wrote stuff like: “The bike did move around a bit through a particular 160 mph sweeper that was littered with pavement irregularities, but what bike wouldn’t?” And: “Coming down the hill into turn nine, braking from more than 150 mph, one finger is all it takes to get the bike to stand on its nose.” In spite of the glowing reviews of the 2001 Suzuki GSX-R600, the AMA Supersport title was won by E. Bostrom that year on a Kawasaki. (Though Aaron Yates did bring home the bacon for Suzuki in 2002.) Those were the days, my friend. We thought they’d never end. And now, we bring you “A chocolate starfish in hot-dog flavored water.” What?

Twenty-five years ago the Aprilia RSV1000 Mille won our Open Twins shootout, the SL1000 Falco was a staff favorite, and the Scarabeo 150 scooter was “practically Italian sex in a practical package.” Wait, what? Anyway, the Futura was and is a great sport-tourer, but maybe not great enough, since Aprilia pulled the plug after 2005. Have they built a sport tourer since? I think not. Shudder to think how good a thing to ride an RSV4 Futura might’ve been.

AMA Supersport racing starring Anthony Gobert and Aaron Yates, laps around Willow Springs… on the 59th anniversary of Pearl Harbor, Yamaha dropped the 2001 R6 on the American press and MO. Though the R6 empire did not last 1000 years, many think this was its finest hour. I mean, some people are saying it.

This February it was all about five middleweight adventure bikes; 20 Febs ago it was all about five middleweight sportbikes, in our annual World Supersport Shootout. Wait, four: We have no Kawasaki, but we do have a Ducati 748S. We also have tiny photos and solos by MO founder, Brent Plummer, and by Roland Sands and the usual fin de siecle MO suspects. And so, without further adieu…

Sounds like the Elephant Ride is an ongoing annual thing, held on the second Sunday of February in Colorado. What? Dang, we just missed it. Sounds like a lot of fun, 25 years ago. As for 2021, maybe there’s a couch viewable YouTube version? Remind us again on the third Monday of February, 2022.

We’ve come a long way in 20 years, brothers and sisters, not only in terms of motorcycles but also in terms of how we describe the feelings they arouse. Speaking of aroused, you’ll have to forgive MO for some of its sexist descriptors herein; 20 years ago, we had not yet undergone gender sensitivity training. We’re better now. If anything, we deserve credit for avoiding any hint of racism, even though 20 years ago the Open Class Shootout was an all-Japanese affair, a classic Big Four blow-out. (Dunno why there’s no Ducati 998?) In any case, looking backward at six months before 9/11/2001, the world was our far less-tense, eight-wheeled oyster.

You want more Harley content, you got it. Render unto MO what is Caesar’s. In this mercifully short, action-photo free H-D Springer Softail review from 25 years ago, Fortune’s son guides us along the road to simpler times, on a bike that’s “good as long as the road is smooth, and the distance to travel short.” Amen.

Much like the Holy Trinity, the Motorcycle Online Staff in those days, 20 years ago, was able to coalesce as One, to write road tests in the first person singular from anywhere in the world. Kawasaki’s new ZRX1200 would go on to achieve cult status, though I, the MO Staff, don’t believe the “S” model tested here ever made it to the New World. It barely matters, since the photos are barely discernible anyway (and our slightly better lead image looks like it came from the press kit). The “S” had a slightly larger fairing than the ZX1200R, which appeared in America later in 2001. Let us all observe a moment of silence in honor of bandwidth.

Ask not why MO‘s review of an Italian bike called “California” comes from a correspondent in Barcelona, ask what you can do for MO. The first California, c. 1971, was designed with input from the Los Angeles PD, and sported a bulletproof windshield as part of its law enforcement equipment. We haven’t seen any California LEOs on Guzzis lately, but you never see the one with your number on it, do you? Let’s all behave out there, respect all traffic laws, always wear gloves, and honor the longitudinal 90-degree V-twin. Amen.

We may not be allowed to bodyshame motorcycles or each other anymore with the F word, brethren, but 25 years ago we had not yet evolved into the empathetic creatures we are today. Besides, all these motorcycles’ heirs have only added avoirdupois over the years, which seems to be a trend with us humans, too, so why bring it up and risk being trampled? We blame the agricultural industrial complex. At least the least guilty party here is the only bike of the five that’s still in production; our specs indicate it’s gone from 631 pounds dry in 1996 to 671 today – which isn’t bad, as its engine has also gone from 1.3 liters to nearly 1.9. Let us now read, then  ride out and find something to eat, amen.

What do you choose to ride if you need to be in Denver tomorrow?

2020 will go down in history as the Year of the Coronavirus, in which not so many newsworthy things happened in the world of motorcycling; we were all on lockdown. It was, at least, a very good year to go riding, as well as a good one for the industry in general, by most reports. Fewer cars on the road made room for more motorcycles, and the downturn in tourism meant people needed to find recreation closer to home. Ten years ago, there was quite a bit of moving and shaking going on – some of it eerily familiar to the current day – and our man Pete found time to chronicle it in this year-end wrap up. Time flies.

Ahhhh the good old days. Ten years ago, all we had to deal with was the aftermath of the Great Recession and the Swine Flu pandemic, which the CDC estimates killed 12,469 of us. How quaint. More importantly, Yamaha turned heads, by turning the head around 180 degrees on its big YZ motocrosser – moving its intake to the front and the exhaust ports to the rear. Radical! Perhaps a little too radical, as Yamaha’s last AMA Supercross championships came in 2008 and 2009, under Chad Reed and James “Bubba” Stewart. Is there a lesson, brethren? None that I can see, except ask your doctor if you’re healthy enough to ride open-class MXers, and always wear a clean air filter just in case. A pretty fun read from the Book of Fonzie. Amen.

The grass, brethren, is always greener on the other side of the pond. And on the other side of it a decade ago, we’d been peeping lasciviously at the Italian-designed CB1000R’s nude form since 2008. Hubba. At a time when Americans mostly rejected nudity, American Honda played coy as to whether they’d import the R or not. Honda Canada, meanwhile, brought in a few forbidden fruits for its journalists to debrief/debauch at Roebling Road. A reading from the book of Costa.

And after the world wailed and gnashed its teeth in vain for a decade or two, waiting for Honda to produce a kimono-lifting V-Four sportbike, Aprilia finally did the deed in 2009, and all the children did sing. In 2010, the Romans of Noale did the world an even bigger solid by making a $5000-cheaper version, the RSV4R, that anyone could afford. Unfortunately the actual MSRP is lost to history, as no one could be assed to provide a simple spec chart in those days. Besides, if you have to ask…

Ten years ago, brethren, Honda broughteth forth to the US a scooter it claimed was the best-selling scooter in Italy. It was also designed by Honda Italy, so how bad could this sweet fuel-injected scooter be? By all accounts, the SH150i was a fine scoot, but what renders in Rome doesn’t always fly in the land of the free, and ah, I think this is the first exposure I’ve had to this particular vehicle. It’s difficult to tell in this MO Review, as all three photos of the bike are right front views, but the styling may have been just a bit too Karmann Ghia for the US, and the SH wasn’t around for long. But there is nothing new under the sun, and according to the specs (not that we bothered to publish any), that 57.3mm x 57.9mm liquid-cooled single lives on in the current PCX and ADV150s. Amen on the scooters. A reading from the book of Fonzie.

Then end of another circuit around the sun is nearly upon us, which means it’s nearly time for the annual MOBO Best Of awards. Which also makes it a convenient time to look back on what was Best 10 years ago, in only the second year of MOBOs. The new BMW S1000RR had us mixing metaphors like madmen, after it “came out swinging with a stupendous 175-plus horsepower at its rear wheel, blowing its Asian veterans out of the water by resetting a very high bar.” 2010 may have been the year the Euro-trend really began, and also the one in which we began predicting the electric’s Great Leap Forward. Ahhh, still waiting. For this week, let us all be thankful for what we do have. I’ll start: A brand new Kawasaki Z H2 in the garage. Next to a Honda ADV150. And my vintage, 2000 R1. Amen.

Lest we forget, chilluns, the new Trident on the way from Triumph is not the first time they’ve resurrected that famed monicker from the swingin’ Sixties. Here’s hoping Poseidon’s new weapon will be pointier than the last one 25 years ago, which left Brent – the rock upon which MO was built – pining for a Sportster. OMG.

Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter. Later Vulcan V-twins would grow to 125 cubic inches (2053 cc) before dying off from their own voraciousness, but in 1995, the Kawasaki Vulcan 88 (four years before the H-D Twin Cam 88) was just right. A reading from the book of Tom Fortune, who wrote well if not long. Amen.

Twenty years ago, brethren, Kawasaki had already been stamping out EX500s for 13 years, a process it would continue right up until 2009 and the Ninja 650 replacement. For most of those years at the height of the superbike wars, a famed Editor-in-Chief of a Major Motorcycle Magazine, King Arthur of Friedman, was known to proclaim that the EX500 was all the motorcycle any sane street rider could ever need. Luckily for us all, sanity did not rule the day. King Art was crazy, but he may have been right. And he only ever wanted what was best for you kids. A reading from the MOrinthians, with the Apostles Mini and Clavin. Amen.

Brethren, a reading from the book of Minime: “So imagine when, to my dismay, Calvin and I were running errands and ended up in a Ralphs Supermarket parking lot, and a little hottie in a sports car compliments him by saying, “nice bike,” and giving him that flirtatious smile and wink which are the reasons I bother to eat and breathe. He was on the Screamin’ Beagle while I was atop Philip’s beautiful and classy-looking Fat Boy; that’s the only reason I could think, in my shallow mind, that he got the attention of the opposite sex while I was left standing gape-jawed, thinking about an intervention. But somehow I didn’t think blurting out, “that’s not even his bike,” would have much effect. Both because it was already too late and because neither bike was mine either.” 

`Twas 2007 when the KTM 530 EXC was deemed legal for street use in these United States, and while Mary probably wouldn’t want to ride an EXC to Bethlehem, it did represent Christmas to many American dirt riders who’d always wanted a serious dual-sport. All these years later,  fuel-injected and more sanitary than ever (and now referred to as 500 EXC though the engine’s always been 510 cc), this one still leads the pack. 

This Sabbath the Wayback Machine (Google) spat up a 20-year old scroll we don’t remember seeing before. We already looked back fondly at the original RC-51 track introduction earlier in Church, but this priceless archive speaks to what’s more important to most of us most of the time. What’s it like to ride every day? Actually, it barely gets around to answering that, but still fun to look back at one of the sweetest sportbikes Honda ever built.

Moto Morini have been rendering unto Caesar what is Caesar’s since man walked beside the dinosaurs, prospering then going bankrupt in equal parts for decades – possibly as a result of not bothering to participate in the US market for about the last half century. Known for booming V-twins, just like another famous Italian builder from Bologna, Morini never quite achieved Ducati’s level of success in the modern era, but that never seemed to stop them from trying. Last we heard, the company was swallowed up by the Chinese Zhongneng Vehicle Group, in 2018. Ten years on, we mourn the passing of the Morini Granpasso 1200, fully secure in faith that if Morini doesn’t rise again, we’ll eat our cappello. Take it away, Tor.

Verily, there is one of these for sale in Michigan for 6000 ducats, and I would be on the plane tomorrow if my dwelling did not already overfloweth with OPM (Other Peoples’ Motorcycles). “Pete suggests that it looks like a custom bagger, and the public agrees, tossing thumbs skyward from passing automobiles on a daily basis.” Surely coolness and shiny blackosity shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the 24.5-inch bucket seat of the Lowered forever. Amen me!

And in those days, ten years ago, there was a pestilence upon the land in the form of the custom chopper. That pestilence was exterminated by the implosion of the Housing Bubble and the sudden drought of Home Equity, but Honda’s new custom chopper was already years in the making by then, and what’re ya gonna do? Not a huge hit for Honda, the Fury is still scattered thin upon the land – maybe because few chopper enthusiasts thought “Honda” when shopping for a new motorcycle. And that is a shame, brethren, because like all Hondas the Fury was in fact a perfectly pleasant and reliable conveyance. Radical though it may have appeared, a trail figure of 3.6 inches meant this raked-out chopper handled perfectly normally, and a curb weight of 663 pounds isn’t bad at all when your hindquarters are just 26.9 inches from the earth. Yea verily, Honda will sell you a brand new 2020 Fury, in Pearl Hawkseye Blue, for $10,599. That’s $2400 less than the original, and probably about what you’d pay for a used Craigslist chopper with “over $60k invested.” Crazy, goofy world without end, amen.

Has anyone seen a new Kymco lately? The giant Taiwanese manufacturer claimed to be the world’s largest scooter manufacturer once upon a time. Maybe it still is. But it’s crickets from our U.S. importer. Rumors have swirled, involving corporate intrigue, strained international relations – and was the naming of the 2010 sportbike “Quannon 150″ just a coincidence, or that the 2010 introduction took place at the elite Biltmore Estate? We think not. Ten years on, we need answers. And soon!

And Jesus and Tor sailed to the country of the Sardines which is opposite Galilee, and when He had come out onto the land He was met by a certain man from the city who was possessed with demons, who hadn’t put on any clothing for a long time. Seeing Jesus he cried out and fell before him and said in a loud voice, ‘What have I to do with You, Jesus Son of the Most High God?  I beg You, do not torment me.’  For He had been commanding the unclean spirit to come out of the man for it had seized him many times and he was bound with chains and shackles and kept under guard, yet he would burst his fetters and be driven by the demon into the desert. Jesus asked him, ‘What’s your name?’ And he said, ‘Legion,’ for many demons had entered him.  They were entreating Him not to command them to depart into the abyss. Now there was a herd of many swine feeding there on the mountain; and the demons entreated Him to permit them to enter the swine. And He gave them permission.  And the demons came out of the man, entered the swine and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned, much like Tor’s demons being exfoliated on the Hypermotard. What? Just give me an “Amen” and try to stop over-analyzing everything.

And this is from God; because for the Messiah’s sake it has been granted to you not only to trust in him but also to suffer on his behalf, to fight the same battles you once saw me fight and now hear that I am still fighting. We have ridden to the mountaintop on all these motorcycles, and seen the promised land. The Victory is no longer with us, but that’s not important right now: Our eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the bagger. Hallelujah, etc…

Holy of moleys, the miracle isn’t that the VMax is still around, but that Yamaha wants to sell you one for $1501 less than in 2010 – a deflationary $17,999. The Triumph Rocket III of yore could’ve been yours for just $13,999. The reinvented 2020 Rocket 3 has much more kept up with inflation, but also with modern technology, and would no doubt give the old VMax an even rougher run for its money. Let he who is without 160 horsepower cast the first throne.

“This might be the best quality chrome on a production bike I’ve seen to date,” quipped Pete on the 2010 Indian Chief Vintage’s high-luster shiny stuff. Indeed, the future “looks bright,” as Indian focuses on top quality, sticks to its guns, and lets the top-of-the-range Chief Vintage lead the way toward continued pride in the company’s slogan: “America’s First Motorcycle.” Verily, it is always sunniest before the axe falls: One year later, Stellican folded its North Carolina wigwam and sold Indian to Polaris.

As the world turns, dominus vobiscum, it seems we have made quite a bit of progress on the electric bike front over the last ten years, even if it doesn’t always seem like it. Of this trio, only one of which is still standing, the longest range was but 40 miles and the toppest speed only 67 mph. Now, the latest Zero can do way better than that, the Harley-Davidson LiveWire is in play (I don’t think anybody saw that coming ten years ago), Tesla became the most valuable US automaker ever last January – and who knows what Polaris has in store for Brammo, which it acquired in 2015? Herein, the dearly departed 2010 MO crew tries to get a grip on current affairs.

This week, by special request of the Apostle Gabe, a reading by Gabe Ets-Hokin himself from 15 years ago – the 2005 Open Supersport Shootout (our mention of Elena Myers in last week’s Church jarred his memory; see page 3 below). On second thought, says Gabe, this one he co-wrote with King Sean the Alexander when both were gainfully employed MO staff members during the giddy run-up to the Great Recession. In that gilded age of fat ad buys and long-term loan superbikes, free tires and track days were there for the plucking. There was a lake of stew and of whiskey, too; you could paddle all around ’em in a big canoe, in the Big Rock Candy Mountains. Those were the days, my friends. Amen.

It was the wise man of late-night television David Letterman who invented the Top 10 list, but it was MO that perfected it, with a rich history of clickbait articles reaching back to the very beginnings of internet history, a time of monumental in-house servers and monitors the size of wildebeests. A lot really can change in 10 years, and a lot has. Would we call Elena Myers “diminutive dame” today? Let us dominus vobiscum back to 2010, whirled without end, amen.

Kawasaki is never at ease with its Z’s – especially the big one, which it keeps reinventing. Z1000 begat the new 2020 Z900, which is nearly as powerful, quite a bit lighter, nicer in every way and sells for many ducats less. The Speed Triple remains the Speed Triple, longer of tooth and less buggy of eyeball. In 2010, we cut them thin to see who would win, amen. 

And in those days ten years ago, King Gelandestrasse of Bavaria was just 30 years old and feeling his hafer, a yuuge success throughout the world upon which everyone with encroaching male-pattern baldness wanted to ride to Zimbabwe. On the other side of  the Alps, the Romans could not help noticing King GS’s success. It was time, then, to upgrade their simple air-cooled playbike with a bewildering array of technological finery also, along with a bunch more of the King’s horses. Why not, as all roads lead to Rome. Placing the turn signals in the handguards was a stroke of genius that declared the battle was on – but no touching of the hair or face. A reading from the book of Pete, and the apostle T-Rod. Amen.

Behold, a people shall come from the north, And a great nation and many kings Shall be raised up from the ends of the earth. Also Costa Mouzouris, who I did not know ever wrote anything for MO, riding upon a steaming Honda CBF1000 chariot I had never seen before this morning. Blessed are the blissfully unaware. All rise and praise the Google. Now is the time to kiss Canadian bacon, just in case. We love the poutine. Amen.

An Italian and a German walk into a bar… wait, Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. Ten years ago, two serious new players from Europe appeared on our shores, intent on upsetting the 1000 cc Japanese applecart. “Inhaling slower bikes like the way an ’84 Seville’s radiator grill consumes flies,” these intoxicatingly fabulous sportbikes – especially the winner of this epic contest – reset the course to where we find ourselves today, which is to say, without a Literbike Shootout. So far anyway. But remember:  Whoever is slothful will not roast his game, but the diligent man will get precious wealth. Amen. Wait, what?

Ten years ago, there were no orange motorcycles from Austria to challenge the middleweight might of the British Empire, and so it was left to the Romans and their red ones to defend the realm against the Britons. Heck, ten years before that there weren’t any decent British middleweights either, and come to think of it ten years before that, there weren’t even any Ducati Monsters. It just goes to show you, the more things change, the more they change. That which has been is what will be, that which is done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun, except for all the stuff that’s new. Amen, brothers and sisters.

On a slow boat from Austria, it took KTM’s open-class sportbike two years to arriveth in the New World, and when it did, the Duke of Westminster didst ride it, along with the Apostles Pete and Tom. That first RC was not without fault, but the stones they did cast were really small pebbles, and later models were fine and even comfortable sportbikes indeed. KTM, however, had read the writing on the wall as the angel of death passed over, and after 2015 the RC8 was no more. Wash your hands, amen.

Something wicked aus Deutschland appeared ten years ago, a motorcycle we never thought the conservative Bavarians would build. More powerful than the Japanese, not much more expensive, and bristling with new electronics to save your speck, at least one publication called the new literbike the Final Solution. Father, forgive them. Herr Duke’s kudos cup ranneth over. BMW have been on the march ever since.

Whatteth the heck was going on in 2010 anyway? Not much, really, relatively speaking. The World Health Organization was in trouble for overestimating the swine flu pandemic, the Deepwater Horizon had a small leak in the Gulf of Mexico, and the US was busy finishing up Operation Iraqi Freedom. Small things. Of much greater import, Honda launched its first big VFR. It really wasn’t what anybody was expecting, but you don’t go riding the motorcycle you want, you go riding on the motorcycle you have. Let that be a lesson, and always strive to know the unknowns as well as the known. Amen. Over and out. Good luck.

Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.” Which is interesting, because at the millennial, when Kawasaki updated its sweet ZX-6R, I was 66.6% as old as I am now. Coincidence?! I think not. I have to say, though motorcycles really have cometh a long way, everything else seems to be slipping backward. COVID 19, killer hornets, a springtime with no MotoGP… Washeth thine hands, friends, amen.

And in those days we made mix tapes for our loved ones, to be plugged into the cassette decks of our touring bikes when we weren’t communing with the truckers on channel 19 on the CB radio, and Honda and Yamaha’s Star Motorcycles thought they would Venture into the heavy touring cruiser market… Yamaha’s liquid-cooled 1294cc V-four flagship begat its current 1854 cc V-twin. Honda’s 1500 boxer-six evolved into the current GoldWing, replete with 1833 of latest-tech tech… and if you haven’t had the chance to eat a couple hundred miles in a single bite on either one, don’t be too bummed, as you are on track to inherit the earth.  

Since whenneth does MO do dirtbike shootouts? Heck, we barely review dirtbikes at all. Not sure who the “Staff” is that wrote this, but whoever it was must have been involved in some kind of ploy to borrow a bunch of new 250s for as long as possible, in the name of science; that the great photographer and Dirt Rider alumnus Mark Kariya shot the photos offers a clue. Those were the days my friend, when you mixed the oil in your gas, had no valves to adjust, and rode like the wind.

And so it is written: Everyone complains about the weather, but no one does anything about it. August in the high desert is normally high time for cursing the heat. Strangely, none of our intrepid testers so much as mentioned it, so excited were they to ride the Ducati 996 against the new Honda RC-51 and Aprilia Mille at Willow Springs 20 years ago. Forgive them, father, for the big jugs and porn star banter; in 2000 they knew not of “me-too.”

Yikes! $18,895 was a lot of money for a motorcycle 20 years ago, but not enough to keep friend of MO Michael Cottam from bringing home a brand new MV, flogging it for a few thousand miles, and living to tell the tale. Verily, I’m going to have to take a look at what these things are going for on the used market… it’s a good day for resurrection.

Therefore I say unto you, Be not anxious for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than the food, and the body than the raiment? Behold the birds of the heaven, that they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; and your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are not ye of much more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit unto the measure of his life?  And why are ye anxious concerning raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these dang Suzuki Bandits. O ye of little faith in thy brand new crispy yellow Aerostich suit, Be not therefore anxious, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Where is the cruise control? For after all these things do the Gentiles seek; for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Be not therefore anxious for the morrow: for the morrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

And so it goes; only four years after Ashley came down from the mountain with the MO tablets, and had gained some traction with the holy men and the moneychangers in the temple of Motorcycling, and had enough money to hire a real photographer – along comes Minime and Roland to kickstart the me-too movement years ahead of its time and trash the Suzuki. Luckily, the world little noted, nor long remembered what they said here, but it can never forget what they did. Somehow, we survived anyway. This current crisis, too, shall pass, and when it does, may MO have a new birth of freedom, amen. 

And the number of the beast was 493 pounds dry, claimethed Suzuki in 1995. If that was the case then fluids were waaay heavy 25 years ago, brethren: Filling the tank with 5.5 gallons of Ethyl, adding oil to the engine, fork tubes and rear shock, coolant to the radiator, five gallons of brake fluid, and lead acid to the battery had these things approaching the weight of Air Force One, fully Trumped out with gold fixtures. Guesseth what? Is it any coincidence that as these things have shrunk over the years to become ever racier, so have their sales? The GSX-R1100 was in fact a midrange-monstrous sport-tourer in a track suit – too big to fail! How I long for one today, but with cruise control… 

Yea verily, I owned one of these, in about 2008, in all its purpleness, and did we not unveil all its nakedness, and throw upon it a Spiegler handlebar kit, and did we not fool with ways to keep its pressurized airbox under pressure so that all four big carburetors would wail and its mighty teeth gnash through six massive gears in anger, and lay our mighty carbon footprint upon the land, yet be so pleasant and joyful that hot young mamas who then roamed the land, wouldst steal it to ride to work? Those were the days, my friend.